


Hold On

by Q_dracul



Series: It’s Not Over [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Anxiety, Depression, F/M, M/M, Morality, Multi, Other, Platonic Relationships, Prinxiety - Freeform, analogical - Freeform, royality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-10-26 11:13:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 41,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20741276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Q_dracul/pseuds/Q_dracul
Summary: Twin brothers Virgil and Patton Novas have moved around a lot thanks to their father's job. From their father's home country, and their birthplace, of Cabo Verde to their mother's country of birth, Ireland. From Ireland to Massachusetts. From Massachusetts to Arizona. After spending several years in a stable environment they're moving again, this time not only are they leaving behind friends but also their mother's grave.Virgil has to convince his twin brother and their dad that, despite his terrible migraines and sometimes crippling anxiety, he won't go down the same road as his mother. On top of having an overprotective family, he has to navigate being the new kid in his senior year of high school, making friends, falling in love, and learning how to save a life.How hard can the next nine months be? All he has to do is hold on and convince his new best friend to do the same.I do not own the characters Virgil, Patton, Roman, Remus, Deceit, Remy, or Emile Picani. They belong to the awesome, amazingly talented cinnamon roll that is Thomas Sanders. I also don't own like 99% of the music and song lyrics that will make an appearance in this book.





	1. I'm Really Proud of You

I sat quietly on the couch, my headphones on my ears and my phone in my hand. The Kids Aren't Alright by The Offspring was blasting in my ears while I read through some fanfiction on Wattpad. Every so often I'd pick up my pen and scribble some notes on the story I was reading in the notebook on my lap. I felt my headphones being yanked off and my head and shot up so I could glare at the person that dared to touch them. The fight quickly left me when I saw my dad looking at me with a concerned look on his face.

"Virgil, I've been calling you for a good twenty minutes. What's wrong?" He held my headphones out to me and I slowly took them from him.

"N-nothing. Sorry, dad. I guess I didn't hear you."

"Are you sure? You know, if you need to talk I'm here for you."

"I know. It's nothing. I promise."

"Okay," he didn't believe me. I could tell just by his tone. "Well, I went and bought some more boxes. So, you and Patton can get back to work packing. They're upstairs by your door."

"Okay, dad. Thanks," I jumped up off the couch and put my headphones back on before running up the stairs to my room to resume packing."

My dad had gotten a promotion at work. That meant we were getting a new house which was great because as much as I loved my brother I did not love sharing a room with him. Unfortunately, that new position and new house meant packing everything we owned into boxes and moving several states away. Taking a deep breath I opened the door and walked into the room I shared with my twin brother.

"Virgil! Dad brought home more boxes! I hope you don't mind, I started packing your stuff! I noticed you seemed kinda blah today and I figured it was one of those days so I thought I'd help out and-"

"Pat. Bro, chill," I held up a hand to silence my brother. "It's cool. Thanks." Walking over to my half of the room I checked to see what all had been already packed. I was surprised with how much he'd packed since dad got back. Then I reminded myself that it had been twenty minutes and I had taken my time walking up the stairs. Plus, this was Patton we were talking about. Even if I wanted to leave half my stuff behind he wouldn't let me. I guess it also helped that all my clothes were ranger rolled before being tossed in the dresser so packing them was just a matter of tossing little fabric burritos into a box. Which Patton didn't do. No, the sweet little puffball on the other side of the room had neatly stacked each rolled article of clothing in the box by my dresser and had my hoodies neatly folded on my bed. "How long were you at this?"

"Not too long, kiddo. I just wanted to be of some help." I looked over to see the other teen blushing and fidgeting with his hands.

"You're always being helpful, Patton. I'm just useless and lazy," I sighed and plopped down on my bed.

"What?! Nooo!" Patton sat beside me and pulled me into a hug.

"It's true, Patton."

"Stop talking bad about yourself or I will physically fight you."

I gently pulled myself away from my brother and rolled my eyes. We both knew he couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag. It was comforting though. Knowing that he cared so much. I think he got that from our dad. I took more after our mom, always worrying and trying to make sure everyone around me was happy and safe.

We both got back to work packing our room up, Patton trying to fill the silence with small talk and me failing to keep the conversation going. He was right. I was having one of those days. I'm a normally anxious kid, always have been. But, some days it just gets so bad that I can't really be bothered to even get out of bed. It wasn't that bad today, but it was pretty damn close.

When we finished packing I went back down to the living room, Patton following and heading to the kitchen where our dad was flipping through the binder where we keep our takeout menus. Guess we'll be emptying that out tonight.

"What do you guys want for dinner tonight?"

"Pizza," Patton and I responded in unison, causing Patton to giggle and me to grimace. Our dad just chuckled and rolled his eyes before calling to place the order.

I turned my music back on and grabbed up my notebook, frowning when I saw a note written on the open page. It was written in my dad's neat, blocky writing. Looking over to the kitchen where he and Patton were talking, I sat up straight and then turned my attention back to the paper.

_Hey, kiddo._

_I know this move is a big deal for you and getting ready for it has been taking its toll on you. I just wanted to remind you that I am so proud of you. Every single day you do something that amazes me even more than the day before. You're an amazing kid. Don't forget that. When you're having rough days please don't hesitate to come to your brother or I. You're always doing so much to help us out. It's the least we can do for you._

_I also wanted to let you know that although I told you boys you'd be able to pick your rooms when we moved I picked yours for you when I went out last month to check on things with the house. I think you'll like it. I even took a picture of it for you._

_Keep up the good work._

_Love,_

_Dad_

_PS_

_You got up and had some breakfast today. I'm really proud of you._

I read over the letter twice. I was a little irked that my dad had picked my room for me, but I figured I could let it slide since he's pretty good at figuring out what we do and don't like, even without us telling him. Pulling out my mobile I sent him a quick text asking to see the picture of my room. I then set my phone on the couch beside me and flipped to a clean page in my notebook before starting to doodle. About a minute later my phone chimed, alerting me of a new message from my dad. Opening the message my eyes widened at the pictures that were attached.

The room. My room. It had dark purple walls with one wall being dark purple and black stripes. The carpet was black as well. I knew dad had wanted to get us new furniture when we moved. He said it was because he was too lazy to try and load our stuff into a U-Haul to take from Arizona to Florida and because he figured we'd enjoy having bigger beds. From the looks of the pictures, he'd already bought the furniture. My desk, dresser, nightstands, and bed frame were all black and white striped. On my bed was a Nightmare Before Christmas blanket and there were posters from Tim Burton movies on the solid purple wall behind my bed. The room had one window over the desk and the curtains were solid black. The last picture, from what I could tell was of the outside of my door. On the piece of wood that separated my room from the rest of the house was a black and purple "V" that had been painted to look like it had been scratched into the wood.

I had to admit I was a pretty lucky kid. And I also had to agree with my mum. Why hadn't my dad gone into interior design? He had a real eye for it. I let out a sigh. That had been the last thing my mum and I had talked about before she passed away.


	2. Last Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter is in reference to the Pearl Jam song "Last Kiss". There's even mention of it later on in the chapter.
> 
> Trigger warning: car accident

I pulled my hood lower over my head and turned up the volume on my phone, drowning out my dad and Patton's conversation. We'd been on the road for a good two hours and I was already dreading the rest of the trip. I was doing better today than I was yesterday, but I still was not in the mood to be up and about and pretending to be a functional human being.

It was gonna take us a little over 30 hours to get from our old house in Arizona to our new one in Florida. I had looked it up. I knew my dad chose not to fly because Patton and I were both deathly scared of flying, but I had to question his sanity when he chose to drive across country instead of just getting us sleeping pills for the much shorter plane ride. Those 30 plus hours didn't even calculate in pitstops for food, the toilet, to stretch our legs, or to sleep. Granted we really didn't need to make stops for that last one since Patton and I both had our licenses and could legally drive, but we still needed food, the toilet, breaks to stretch our legs, and to put gas in the car. This was not a sane choice that this man made. Not by any means.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by Patton turning in his seat and tapping my leg. "'Sup?" I lowered my headphones and gave him my full attention.

"How're you doing back there, kiddo? If you want we can switch seats."

"You don't trust me all the way back here with the cookies, do you?"

Patton feigned offence at my accusation. "You aren't gonna eat them all though, are you?"

"Of course I'm not, Pat. Now, what did you really want to talk to me about?" I straightened up a bit (ha, that's a stretch), and leaned forward.

"I just wanted to see if you were okay. You were being really quiet. Not that there's anything wrong with that. It's just usually when you bring your guitar in the car with you you play. And you weren't playing."

"You and dad want me to play something?"

"It would be nice to have a family sing-a-long, Virge," our dad chimed in from the driver's seat.

"Well, in that case," I leaned back in my seat and put my headphones back on my head, curling up in the corner and closing my eyes.

"Virgil!" I could hear Patton and dad yell in unison in response to my ignoring their request. I just chuckled in response and ignored them.

It was a good forty minutes or so before I heard my name being called again. Something was different about the tone this time. My eyes shot open in time to see a semi had jack-knifed in front of us and the trailer was coming right towards our car. Unlike my dad and Patton, I wasn't wearing my seatbelt. My mind raced and I quickly grabbed the nylon belt to fasten it, but it was too late.

The screeching tires.

There was a ravine to our right and the bottom of it was coming up pretty quickly. I braced myself for impact, gasping in pain when my body hit the roof of the car.

The busting glass.

"VIRGIL!"

The painful scream that I heard last.

***

"Virge! Time to get up kiddo! Hurry up before Patton eats all of the pancakes!" My dad's voice came from the other side of my bedroom door as he knocked. I groaned in response and sat up in bed, wincing in pain.

It had been three months since our car accident and I still had pain in my ribs from them being broken when our minivan flipped and I hit the roof. Reaching over to my nightstand I grabbed a pain pill and popped it in my mouth, swallowing it with a sip of water before getting out of bed. "I'm up," I groaned, shuffling around my room and throwing on a pair of black skinny jeans, a purple long sleeve shirt, and a black hoodie. I sat on my bed, pulling my socks on when I caught a glimpse of the calendar on my wall and screamed.

"I think he saw what day it was, dad!" I heard Patton call out when I opened my door and ran down the stairs.

"First day of school already?! What?! Why?!" I slammed my hands on the table, eyes showing the dread I felt.

"Relax, Virgil. You'll be fine." How my father could be so calm was beyond me. I looked over at my brother to see if maybe I was hallucinating or if maybe he heard him too, but to my horror, he was also calm. Pale blue eyes staring happily up at me behind black hipster glasses. I seriously think I was the only one in this family with a decent sense of style to be quite honest.

"It won't be that bad, Virgil."

"Don't betray me like that, Patton. We are literally going to be the new guys in senior year at a new high school. Cliques will already have been formed. Friendship groups will be solidified."

"Since when do you care about that kind of stuff?"

"I don't. I just hate standing out."

"Standing out can be scary."

"Your face is scary."

Patton and my dad stared at me for a moment, both blinking in confusion. "You do realize," Patton began.

"We have the same face! Yes! I know! I'm stressed!"

"Maybe you should take an anxiety pill," my dad suggested, talking slowly.

"No. I'm fine. Besides, I took a pain pill when I got up. I don't need any more help falling asleep in the middle of the day." I sighed heavily and took my seat at the table and half-heartedly ate my breakfast.

Once the dishes were done Patton and I grabbed our bags and left for the bus stop. We would only be on the bus until Patton got his cast off. The wreck had broken his arm in several places and left me with really bad migraines so driving was out of the question for the both of us. For Patton until his arm healed and permanently for me. Apparently, since I already had a history of migraines and the concussion I sustained made them worse I was at an even higher risk for epilepsy. Yay.

As we approached the bus stop a couple of girls who were about our age stopped their conversation and stared at us. Patton smiled and waved at the two girls and I hid in my hoodie even more. I knew why they were staring. It was the same reason we attracted attention anywhere we went. It wasn't often you saw blue eyes and red hair on a black guy. Let alone, two black guys. Though, to be fair, Patton's hair was red, while mine was died black with purple tips. Yeah, I know. For someone who hates sticking out, I sure do an awesome job of making sure I do with my hair and my, as my dad describes it, 90s grunge-punk rock-emo-gothic-visual Kei style. And before you ask, yes I was wearing a flannel shirt tied around my waist under my hoodie and Doc Martens.

"Hey there," Patton greeted, his usual perky self.

"Uhh... hi," one of the girls, a blonde in a cheer uniform, replied, eyeing us sceptically.

"Yes, it's his real hair colour. No, we aren't wearing contacts," I said gruffly, tired of the questions that usually came with the look she was giving us.

"Virge..."

"What? I just answered the questions she was gonna ask. Saved her the trouble of asking them," I grumbled, pushing past the cheerleader and her friend when the bus arrived and getting on, taking a seat in the back.

Patton probably apologized to the girls before getting on the bus and sitting beside me in the back. A few other people on the bus stared at us, but I turned on my music, quickly skipping the first song to pop up (three months and I still couldn't listen to Last Kiss by Pearl Jam without freaking out), and ignored them.


	3. That was a Mouthfull

Patton and I walked into our new school, both embodying the polar opposite ends of the spectrum that was teenage emotion when it came to being in a new school. Patton was bubbly, excited, and eager to get started. I was sending silent thoughts to my bed promising I wasn't cheating on it and would be back as soon as I could. Also boredom and dread. Patton turned to me and was about to chastise me yet again for how I spoke to the cheerleader. I knew his only reason for doing it was because he wanted to get on the cheer squad. He was perky and bouncy. The role fit him. As he opened his mouth some big oaf in a varsity jacket snatched his hat off his head and tossed it to one of his buddies.

"Not sure if you got the memo loser, but no hats in school," he started, his friends chuckling. “Shit. Maybe we should make an exception for you. Ya freak."

"Give him back his hat," I grumbled, stepping between Patton and the bully. I'd seen the tears well up in my brother's eyes at being called a freak and I couldn't stand by and let him get picked on. "He did nothing to get on your radar so just leave him alone."

"Or what?" The guy stepped into my personal space and glared down at me. He was at least a foot taller than me, but I didn't let him use his height to intimidate me.

"Or when you come back here in ten years to reminisce about when your life had reached its peak you'll be reminded by everyone about what a jerk you were to a kid who honestly wasn't even worth your time." I lowered my hoodie and headphones and looked up at the taller teen through my bags, which hung in my silvery-blue eyes even with my head tilted up to see him. 

Curse our mother for being a short woman and blessing us both with her height.

The boy raised his fist, ready to punch me, and I braced myself but didn't step down. I'd dealt with jerks like him before. You couldn't appear weak. Not when they had their buddies around them. I'd let him get his punch in. Then I'd go with Patton to report it. I wasn't a fighter so There was no way I would be able to strike him back. Plus that would just make Patton more upset.

"Carter!" A loud voice boomed from down the hall. Turning my attention in the direction of the voice I realized that we had gathered a bit of a crowd around us. Yeah, watch the new kids get their asses kicked on the first day of school and don't say or do anything. Great work guys. "You lay one finger on either of them and I'm telling coach. And you will be cut," the owner of the voice appeared through the crowd, looking like Captain America and Thor's love child, the cheerleader from the bus stop right beside him and looking just as miffed.

The bully, Carter, lowered his fist and let go of my shirt. When had he grabbed that? I blinked a couple of times and turned my attention back to Adonis over there who seemed to hold a lot of sway over this troglodyte. He snatched Patton's hat from Carter's buddy and dusted it off. "Everyone should be heading to homeroom," he said in a nonchalant voice that sent the crowd dispersing. Carter and his cronies left as well, leaving us (Patton, cheerleader girl, school god, and myself) standing alone in the corridor. Seriously, who the hell was this guy that he had that much sway over these other plebes? "I believe this belongs to you." He held the grey newsboy cap out to Patton and my brother happily took it, smiling bashfully at the taller guy.

"Thanks, kiddo!"

"Uhh.... you're welcome, Newsie hipster theatre geek Mark from Rent."

"So you helped us out just so you could be his bully?" I crossed my arms and glared up at him. I really hated being short.

He blinked a couple of times and looked me in the eyes. "Actually, no. I give everyone a nickname, emo nightmare."

"Roman," the cheerleader chided.

Letting out an exasperated sigh he rolled his eyes and bowed to us, "Roman Wulf, captain of the football team and student body Vice President three years running, at your service." He rose and gestured to the girl with him. "This lovely damsel is Sunniva Blake. Cheerleading captain and student ambassador. If you need help with anything she's the one you go to."

"I'm Patton Novas and this is my brother, Virgil," he grinned brightly and shook both Roman's and Sunniva's hands.

"Virgil? That's quite an interesting name," the princely boy, yes I am dubbing him the prince of the school and I would've dubbed him the king if it weren't for the fact that he's only the Vice President.

"You can call me Virge," I replied trying to sound as tough as possible. Again, not something that's easy to do when you're only 5'3".

"Well, Virge. I apologize for my teammates' horrible behaviour. Sunniva here can show you both around."

"Well, isn't that nice?" Patton beamed.

"Nope. It's fine. We've got it," I grumbled, grabbing Patton's arm and dragging him off to our homeroom class, glad I'd thought to wander the building when our dad brought us in to register for classes. I ignored my brother's small sounds of protest as I pulled him along.

"Virgil... that was kinda rude of you. They were just trying to be nice to us."

"Don't care," I grumbled as we stopped in front of our classroom. Homeroom, study hall, and lunch were the only times Patton and I would be able to hang out during the school day. I didn't like leaving him without backup, but not much could be done about it. I was in mostly AP and honours classes and Pat had refused to allow me to take regular placement courses.

We walked into the classroom and Patton tapped me on the shoulder before pointing to the seating chart on the smartboard. Okay, so unless there was assigned seating during study hall that and lunch were the only times I could keep a close eye on my brother. Great.

Sighing heavily I walked over to my assigned seat which was beside a dark-haired boy with glasses and a necktie, and behind a guy in a yellow shirt with a black vest. I watched as Patton walked to his seat at the front of the classroom, sitting beside an empty chair. A quick glance at the board a second time told me that he'd be sitting beside an R. Wulf. Great. That jock would be in this classroom with us.

The teacher hadn't shown up yet so some of the students were out of their seats and talking with their friends. The guy in front of me in the yellow shirt was talking with a guy in a green and black plaid shirt that was sitting on his table. I noticed that he wore an MCR band tee under the plaid shirt. The guy beside me was engrossed in a book that looked like it weighed more than he did.

"Sorry I'm late, babes," the classroom door opened and in walked a guy in a leather jacket with sunglasses on. I glanced at the clock and then back at him, wondering how he figured he was late since the late bell hadn't even rung yet. "You kids know how it is though. Pumpkin spice seasonal depression. I live for it." As he walked in he took off his messenger bag and tossed it on the teacher's desk.

Wait. Was this guy our teacher? Was he even qualified to teach?

"For those of you that are new, haven't seen me around, or didn't have me for lit last year I'm Remy Sanders. You can all just call me Remy," he turned his back to us and wrote his name on the board. "Remus, babe, get your ass in your seat. And keep it off my tables."

"Sorry, Remy," the kid in the MCR said, slipping off the table and going to sit beside Patton.

He was R. Wulf? Was he related to Roman?

"Now, most of you will have me for lit. And like 90% of you will have me for study hall. My rules are simple. There's assigned seating. It only really matters until after I finish taking attendance. After that, I don't care where you lovelies sit. Just keep your butts off the tables." He looked over at Remus when he said the last part. "I don't mark anyone as tardy unless you come in after attendance is taken. I don't do that until the last bell. Since it's the first day of a new year how about we go around and introduce ourselves? Name, pronouns, fun and/or interesting little tidbit about yourself."

How about no. I thought to myself, staring down at my desk.

"I'll start. You all already know my name. My pronouns are he/him. And I love coffee. We'll start with Remus then go through the front row and zig-zag our way to the back."

Remus stood up and cleared his throat. "Name's Remus Wulf. He/him. I'm the trash man half of the Wulf twins," he said with a maniacal laugh. Next up was Patton. "Hi! I'm Patton Novas! I use he/him pronouns! And I'm also a twin!" How was he still so perky?

The next two people were female and non-binary. Then there was a girl and a guy. Another non-binary student. Then the kid in the yellow shirt.

"I'm De Pettus. He/him/they/them/she/her. Really just don't call me late for lunch," they said with a chuckle. "I'm the bassist for Dark Sides and if anyone here is good with a guitar and can sing come see me, Remus, and Lo after school because our lead singer graduated last year."

My head snapped up just in time to see Patton beaming in my direction. I didn't need any freaky twin psychic link to know what my brother was thinking and I wanted to punch him in the throat for even thinking it.

I was so full of dread about what my brother would do after school in an attempt to make friends for me that I nearly jumped out of my skin when necktie beside me stood up to introduce himself.

"Salutations. I am Logan Berry. My pronouns are he/him. I will be running for student body president once more this year."

Bashfully I stood up, pulling my hood down over my head. How could they expect me to introduce myself? They all took turns and all eyes were on me. Couldn't I just crawl into a cave and die? "Meu nome é Virgil Novas. Meus pronomes são ele/ele. Sou cabo-vardiano," I mumbled.

"Great. Now how about in English, babe," Remy said before I could sit back down.

Wait. I hadn't answered in English? Fuuuuck my life.

Sighing heavily I opened my mouth to speak again. But, before I could say anything the kid next to me, Logan, spoke.

"He said his name is Virgil Novas. His pronouns are he/him. And that he is Cape Verdian. He was speaking Portuguese, the official language of Cape Verde," he readjusted his glasses and sat back down. I looked at him in shock and then at the teacher.

"Uhh... what he said." I quickly took my seat again and zoned out while the rest of the class introduced themselves.

When the bell finally rang for us to go to our first-period classes I mumbled a thank you to Logan and quickly shouldered my bad before rushing out of the classroom.


	4. Very Impressive

I made my way to my first class of the day, AP History. I was surprised when I walked into the classroom to find Roman and Remus both sitting at the back of the classroom. I checked the board to see if there was a seating chart, letting out a sigh of relief when I saw that there wasn't. I quickly took a seat at a desk in the back of the classroom, a bit of a distance from the other two boys. Logan walked into the classroom shortly after me and took the seat between me and the others.

"Greetings, Virge. It's nice to see a friendly face here," Roman leaned over in his desk, looking past Logan and addressing me.

"What about my face screams friendly?" I glared at him.

"You know Virgil, Ro?" Remus said from the other side of him.

"Why yes. I met him in the hall earlier. Carter was trying to bully him and his brother, Patton. How do you know him?"

"We've got homeroom and study hall together. Oh, and he's got an audition this weekend."

"A what?!" Roman and I said in unison.

"That is correct. De told me about that. Patton told Remus and De that you play guitar and sing. We would appreciate you auditioning for the lead singer in our band."

Roman looked from Remus to Logan, to me, and then back to Remus. "And where pray tell will he be auditioning for your little garage band?"

"Our garage. Duh."

"Ugh. Like I really want you and your little emo band hanging around the house all weekend. I was planning a party."

"Don't worry about it. I'm not auditioning," I sat back in my seat and slouched down, pulling my hood over my head.

"Why not?" Logan asked, ignoring Roman and Remus as they began to bicker.

"I don't play. Haven't in months. Got in a car accident. My guitar got busted."

"We do have an extra guitar, Virgil."

"I don't sing."

"Patton says otherwise."

"Well, Patton is wrong. I don't sing."

That wasn't entirely the truth. I did sing. I just didn't sing in front of other people. Again, not a fan of being the centre of attention.

"Well, that is a shame," Logan said, turning his attention to the front of the classroom as the teacher walked in.

***

I was relieved when lunch finally rolled around. I dropped my books off in my locker and made my way to the lunchroom and waited for Patton.

My brother ran up to me with a huge smile on his face. "Guess what, kiddo."

"Chicken butt," I replied, shoving my hands in my pocket and walking over to an empty table Patton, earning a chuckle from him.

"I'm trying out for the cheer squad Friday," he replied excitedly.

"Sweet," I sat down and leaned against the wall behind me. "Speaking of tryouts. Why did you tell those guys that I could sing and play the guitar?"

"Because you can."

"Yeah. But I don't do either in front of other people.

"You used too," Patton said in a quiet tone.

"I haven't sung in front of anyone in three years, Patton. So just drop..." I sat up straight and frowned slightly. Patton turned in his seat to follow my gaze to the front of the cafeteria. Logan was being accosted by that Carter kid. Did this jerk not have anything better to do with his time than harass people?

"Virgil, I now that look on your face kiddo. Just sit down and stay out of it. You don't need dad getting called in on your first day."

"Don't worry, Pat," I stood up and walked around the table, gently patting my brother's shoulder. "I won't punch him unless he asks for it." I could hear the small whimper of protest my twin let out, but I ignored it and made my way over to the scene. "Hey, Logan. There you are. Patton and I saved you a seat."

Logan and Carter both looked towards me, I ignored the jock and kept my gaze fixed on the kid with the necktie.

"Uh...Salutations, Virgil. That was most considerate of you," his voice didn't sound as confident as it did in the several classes that we had together, and I could tell it was all thanks to Carter.

"Logan can't sit with you and your freak brother. He's gonna go eat in the toilets. Isn't that right, Microsoft Turd?" Carter glared threateningly at Logan.

Before the nerdy kid could open his mouth I grabbed his wrist with a sigh. "Maybe some other time creeper. Today he's sitting with my brother an I. I began walking back towards Patton with Logan's wrist still in my hand but was stopped by Carter grabbing my hood. I let go of Logan's wrist. "Go sit with Pat. I'll be over in a minute."

Logan hesitated for a moment, but nodded his head and walked over to the table I was sitting at with my brother. Once he was seated I turned to face Carter.

"What?"

"You don't get to tell me what to do, loser."

"I didn't tell you what to do, dumbass. I told Logan to go sit with my brother so he and I could talk."

"Leave him alone, Carter." I looked behind me to see Roman and Remus standing behind me, looking like they were both ready to punch the boy in front of me to a pulp. Why did he keep showing up whenever I faced this guy? I then spotted Sunniva in the background and let out a soft sigh. Of course. The cheerleader.

"We were just having a talk, Roman. What's it to you anyway?"

"He's my brother's new lead singer. Can't have him being injured."

What?! I never agreed. I never even auditioned! What the actual fuck?!

Remus smirked and winked at me. I responded by rolling my eyes.

"I can fight my own battles," I grumbled.

"Why fight when you can talk?" Roman asked. "Or better yet. Why fight when you can have Jerky McJerkface kicked off of the football team for picking on people."

"I didn't do anything," Carter growled.

"This is the second time in the same day you've picked on the new guy, Carter. It's only the first day of school and that makes it even worse. You know the coach's rules about fighting and bullies. I let it slide once. Not again."

I've been on the business end of a bully's fist enough times to know that this was not going to end well. I could take the attention off of Patton and Logan, even though I didn't know the guy I still didn't want to see him getting the crap beat out of him by some knuckleheaded troglodyte, without too much in the way of consequences. But, once you started getting them in trouble with teachers... Unless the school had a fairly decent antibullying policy that they followed through with my ass was grass.

Roman led Carter out fo the cafeteria. Probably heading towards the gym to inform their coach about what was going on. I sighed heavily and put up my hood, noting the eyes fixed on me. Yeah. They could all stop what they were doing and watch Roman stick up for the new kid and watch the new kid and the nerd almost get their asses kicked, but no one could be bothered to get a teacher or anything. Great mentality there. I walked over towards the table Patton and Logan were at and was immediately pulled into a hug by my brother.

"You okay, Lo? I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner. De got second lunch this year so I waited for Ro."

"I'm quite alright, Remus. Carter is more talk than bite."

"Verbal bullying is just as bad as physical bullying, Logan," Sunniva sat beside me, pinning me between her and Patton. Remus took the seat beside Logan.

"Aren't you student body president, Logan? Why does he pick on you?" Patton asked, taking a bite of his cookie.

"I refused to tutor him in freshman year because he thought that tutoring meant completing his work for him. So, he despises me."

"Well that's bull sh--" my sentence was cut short by an oatmeal raisin cookie being shoved in my mouth.

"Language, kiddo."

I glared at my brother and quietly ate the cookie. I listened as the other three guys talked amongst themselves. It sounded like Patton and Remus had most of the same classes save for History and Literature, which he had with me and Logan. My body went stiff when I felt Sunniva move a little closer to me, and my head snapped up in her direction.

"What are you doing this weekend, Virgil?" Her voice was low so that only I could hear her. I could see that she was blushing.

Wait. Was she asking me out? We literally just met today. I growled at her at the bus stop. I've done nothing but glare at her any time I've seen her today.

"Uhhh..." I didn't know how to answer her. Not only was this out of my comfort zone she was also barking up the wrong tree. How did I tell her I wasn't interested without drawing attention or hurting her feelings?

My distress must have been pretty damn visible because Remus started talking about his band and pulling me into the conversation. "So, we've got practise Friday after school, Virgil. And I talked Roman into letting us play his party."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I must admit I am also confused," Logan chimed in.

"Patton showed De and I a video of your playing. You're what we're looking for. So you're in the band. We've got practise Friday and a gig Saturday night," he said matter of factly.

I stared at Patton with a look of betrayal on my face. I couldn't be mad for long at the other boy though. He was my brother and only doing what he thought would make me happy. Plus whenever I looked at him like I was mad he'd give me his patented puppy eyes and I'd just melt and give in to him.

"Fiiiiiine," I groaned.

"Might I see the video?" Logan inquired. Patton beamed and pulled his mobile out, pulling up the video in question before handing it to Logan.

I was sitting on the couch in our living room back in Arizona in the video. I was playing my acoustic guitar. The one I'd lost in the car accident, and nearly lost my life to when it broke and the neck ended up in my abdomen. My dad had since bought me an electric guitar. I just hadn't gotten around to playing it. Or unpacking it for that matter. I couldn't believe Patton had recorded me doing a cover of a song. Especially of a love song. I hadn't realized that he was recording me when the video was shot. Had I known I would've made him delete the damn thing. That's probably why he hid it from me.

_"Step inside the life of the man weak enough to follow you_  
Bury all the strife of the heart that you have hollowed through  
Bury our love far, far away from this  
You can become one with  
The walls again  
Scream for your father  
Go a little farther  
Cut a little harder  
But our fates are inked in pen  
  
That was then  
And this is the end of  
  
This phantom love  
Untied and severed  
I was never the one  
Is this what you call forever  
Made me promise  
I would never break your heart  
How was I to know that's what you wanted from the start?  
  
Step inside the life of the man that can do no wrong  
His hands clasped 'round the knife he uses to carve his sad songs  
Wash your hands 'til the sinks stain red  
And I'm outta your head  
Just remember what I said  
We decided to just ignore  
Just can't cut it anymore  
Just remember that I loved you more  
  
But that was then  
And this is the end of  
  
This phantom love  
Untied and severed  
I was never the one  
Is this what you call forever?  
Made me promise  
I would never break your heart  
How was I to know that's what you wanted from the start?"

Logan handed the device back to Patton and readjusted his glasses. "Very impressive."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song that Virgil is doing a cover of in the video Patton snuck of him is called Phantom Love and it is by Zach Callison.


	5. After School

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Description of a car accident, and injuries. Also, Remus has more speaking lines in this so yeah, just be warned.

The rest of the first week of school went by pretty uneventfully, and rather quickly. When Friday rolled around I was surprised when Remus pulled up in front of Patton and me in an old beat-up van. Judging by the look on Patton's face he had been perplexed by this as well.

"Get in. You've got practice. And the puffball is coming along so Logan can help us with our maths."

"You don't have to be mean--"

"Aww! That's so sweet of Logan," Patton squealed, climbing into the back of the van and sitting beside the nerd.

I looked sceptically at the vehicle before me and chewed my bottom lip nervously. "H-how far away are we from your house?" My eyes shot towards Remus in the driver's seat.

"About ten minutes."

"How far is it to walk?"

"Dude, that's like a fucking four-mile walk."

"Language, kiddo," Patton chirped from the backseat.

"Just get in, Virge." Remus sighed. I took a step back from the vehicle and bumped into someone.

"What's going on?" The person I bumped into placed a hand on my shoulder to help steady me. Looking over the shoulder his hand was on I spotted Roman and mentally kicked myself.

"Trying to get home, but Virgil seems to think that a four-mile walk would be preferable to a ten-minute car ride."

"I-it's not that..."I stammered, lowering my head and allowing my bangs to help hide my face.

"Oh no," I heard some whispering and felt the hand on my shoulder tighten slightly which caused me to tense a bit.

"I'll give him a ride. He'll just be a little late for practice."

"Ro, dude."

"Look, he's obviously not comfortable with the idea of riding in your old junker. I'll just have to run pick up some drinks for the party tomorrow night. I could use the extra arms anyway."

"Fiiiiine," Remus groaned. "See you when you guys get to the house." The van started up again and took off out of the parking lot.

I didn't really want Patton in the van either, but it wasn't like I could stop him. he honestly wouldn't have even broken his arm if it hadn't been for me not wearing my seatbelt. I still have nightmares about that night. And our dad, being the ever accommodating parent that he was, opted to get a sedan instead of another mini-van. He claimed it upped his cool factor, but I knew that it was because he saw the fear in my face when we went to look at new cars and he'd asked about another mini-van.

I know that it's stupid for me to be afraid of riding in mini=vans after the accident. That I should be more afraid of being on the freeway or of semis, but phobias are never rational, even if the cause of them is rational. I mean, take Patton's arachnophobia for example. he's so terrified of spiders that he can't look at fake ones or even a picture of one. Now, being afraid of spiders is rational. That fear keeps us safe from the dangerous ones (which there are maybe like 9 of). But to be so afraid that even one that you know is fake or just seeing a picture of one freaks you out? That's a bit much.

And so, there I stood in the middle of the parking lot with Roman Wulf. The guy who had saved me from a bully twice in one day and shared every AP and honours course I had with me. "Did your parents like really like Roman mythology or something?" I asked, looking up at him. The look on his face was comical and I would have laughed if I wasn't actively trying to prevent myself from having a panic attack.

"Y-yeah. They did..." he finally answered with a sigh. "We should get going. Remus is a stickler for punctuality." He led me over to his car, a candy apple red sports car, and I let out a low whistle.

"Nice ride. I'd better walk."

"Shut up and get in, Merilyn Morose," he unlocked the door and opened the passenger side door for me before walking around and getting in on the driver's side.

"Aren't you afraid of being seen with an emo nightmare? I half teased, climbing in and putting my seatbelt on after closing the door.

"Ugh. Like I really care what any of them think. I'm captain of the football team, student body vice president, straight-A student, and I get the lead male role in all plays we do after football season ends. What those people have to think about me matters very little to me." He started the engine and drove out of the parking lot.

"Wow. You might wanna hold back a bit there. I don't think there's enough room in this car for the three of us."

"What?"

"Me, you, and your massive ego."

Roman shot me a quick glare and turned his attention back to the road, hands tightening on the steering wheel a bit.

"Meant to ask, why are you VP? Isn't it pretty much a popularity contest?"

"I only ever run for vice. If I ran for president I'd be running myself far too thin and wouldn't have time to do everything that I need or want to."

"Does anyone ever run against Logan for president?"

"Of course. The entire chess team has run against him. He's just the most logical choice for student body president. He's captain of the debate team, debate team, heads the model UN, manages the community library over by the main office."

"Community library?"

"Yes, that blue police call box by the entrance to the main office. It's full of books that people drop off for others to use and read. People are welcome to come up to it and drop books off or take books out to read. Completely free of charge and anonymously. Logan makes sure that the books are always neatly organized with children's books in the cubbies on the bottom for little kids to reach and he makes sure there's no pornography in there."

"Oh."

"Yes. He's also in charge of the AV club. And all of this is on top of being the lead guitarist in my brother's band, and also being a straight-A student."

"Are you the president of his Fanclub?" I teased, leaning back in my seat.

"Very funny. No, I am not. I see no problem and giving credit where credit is due. He's given me no reason to dislike him. And he's honestly a pretty okay guy if a bit cold and standoffish."

I nodded my head silently and turned my attention to the scenery.

"How are you liking Florida so far? Patton mentioned that you are from Arizona."

"Actually we're from Cape Verde, but we lived in Arizona before moving here. It's okay I guess. Weather kinda reminds me of home. A lot cooler than the desert."

"I see. Mind if I ask you a personal question, friendo?"

"As long as you promise to never call me that again."

"Deal. Why did you freak out about the van?"

"I uhh...I nearly lost my life in a car accident. While we were driving out here. Didn't even make it outta the state. A semi jackknifed and knocked our minivan into a ravine. I wasn't wearing my safety belt. I broke my ribs and got a concussion when I hit the roof. My guitar broke in the tumble and the neck when through my stomach. I was lucky that it missed vital organs. It was one hell of an appendectomy though," I let out a soft chuckle.

"Great Odin's eyepatch! I don't blame you for being scared. But...my car is okay?"

"Yeah. I know it doesn't make sense. I just...It's not as big. I can't move around as much. The small space is actually comforting."

"I see." Roman was silent until we parked in the Sam's club parking lot. "In that case, I will give you rides to and from practice," he said getting out of the car.

"What?!" I jumped out of the vehicle and looked at him in shock. "Dude, I can walk. I've got two perfectly good working legs. Plus, once Pat's arm is healed he'll be getting a car and I can get rides from him. Not to mention we don't exactly know each other."

"Do you only do nice things for people you know?"

I froze and stared at his back for a moment then ran to catch up to him. "N-no, I don't."

"Alright then," he showed the greeter his membership card as we walked in.

There were another long ten minutes of silence as we walked around the store, picking up the things he was going to need for his party. "So... do you normally throw parties at the beginning of the school year?"

"First Saturday after school starts, Halloween, Christmas, and the last day of school."

"Just four? Wow, princey. You're a lot tamer than I thought."

"Did you just call me "princey"?" He quirked an eyebrow at me and I chuckled nervously.

"Y-yeah..."

"I like it."

We chatted some more as we gather up the things on his mental list. Loading the car when we were done and he'd paid for everything. We even stopped off and grabbed a couple of pizzas before heading to his house.

"I come bearing a musician and pizza," he loudly announced as we walked into the massive house. And when I say massive, I mean massive. This place was huge. Like four of my houses could've probably fit in here.

"About damn time," Remus yelled, hopping up on the kitchen counter and grabbing a slice of pizza. Patton, De, and Logan followed him into the kitchen and helped Roman and I put the groceries away before each grabbing some pizza.

"This is your house as much as it is mine, Remus. How is it your company are the ones helping me put things away while you stuff your face.

"Easy. It's not my crap that needs to be put away and my company are obviously better people than I am." He smirked and slipped off the counter, grabbing another slice of pizza. To the garage! We have music to make!"

"Must you be so loud?" De grumbled as he walked towards the door that connected the kitchen to the garage.

"I don't hear you complaining when we're--"

Pumba! Not in front of the kids!" Roman yelled, interrupting his brother. Patton looked between the three of them with utter confusion on his face, while logan, De, and I all shifted uncomfortably and blushed like crazy.

"Having jam sessions. I was going to say having jam sessions," Remus said, feigning innocence.

"Is that what you two are calling it now?" Roman crossed his arms and glared at his brother.

"I don't know about you, but I'm gonna go tune my guitar and get Virgil set up. Come on, Virge. Patton," De led me and my brother into the garage, Logan following close behind.

"Looking at the positive side of things. With De's help, I was able to help Remus and Patton complete their maths homework," Logan stated, adjusting his glasses.

"Thank you so much for your help, Lo. I really owe ya one."

"Nonsense, Patton. As you have stated on the second day of your attendance at our school we are friends. And do friends not help one another when they are having difficulties?"

Patton grinned from ear to ear and nodded his head.

"Run," I stated, turning my attention back to the guitar that I was being lent.

"What? Wh--" before he could finish his question Patton launched himself at Logan and hugged him tightly. He let out a startled yelp and began gasping for air. For such a small person my brother was surprisingly strong.

"Patton, too tight," I calmly said.

Apologizing my brother let go of the taller boy and continued to beam with pride and joy. I have to admit that I was a tad jealous of Logan getting a hug from my brother.

Not like that you sickos.

I'm just used to him giving me a hug when I've had a rough day or I've done something to make him proud. But, ever since the car accident he hasn't hugged me much. Mainly because of my ribs. They're still sore and he's afraid of hurting me. My hiding out in my room almost 24/7 doesn't help any either.

There was a loud yell of frustration from the kitchen and we all turned our attention towards the door as Remus came charging through it.

"Bro, I'm gonna kick your butt!" Roman yelled in annoyance.

"Do ya promise?" The boy in green called back, laughing like a maniac.

"Are we going to get on with practice or are you going to send Roman into another figurative homicidal rampage?" Logan asked, picking up his guitar and tunning it.

Remus sat behind the drums and started laughing again.

"Another?" Patton and I questioned, looking concerned at the partially opened door that Roman had been standing in a moment ago.

"Yeah. Remus likes to go at his brother so much that he eventually snaps and chases him around the house with a samurai sword." De responded, is tone making it sound like this was a normal thing for siblings to do.

Patton and I exchanged worried glances before looking at the door again.

"You have nothing to fear. Remus is the only one that is ever the focus of Roman's rage in times like that," Logan said in a reassuring tone.

That helped to relax us a bit, not much, but a bit.

"Any way. What are we gonna play to warm up?" Remus asked, grinning at us all.

"How about we let the audience pick," De suggested, nodding towards Patton. We all looked at my brother expectantly, me silently hoping he didn't suggest I am the Walrus.

"I am the Walrus!"

I mentally facepalmed. I'm not sure why I expected him to pick anything other than that song. It was one of his favourites.

"I don't know that song," De admitted.

"Not to worry. I'll pull it up on my mobile and we can listen through before we play," Logan said, pulling his phone out of his pocket and looking for the song.

I absently started playing as I'd played the song for Pat enough times that I knew it by heart. The others watched the video that Logan found and then watched a second video, I recognised the audio as belonging to Oasis' cover of the song. They seemed more receptive to that version from the looks on their faces. Patton enjoyed both versions equally.

After they watched the video a couple more times we started in to play. I'd never played with other people before, but it wasn't that bad I have to admit. The only problem was singing. it took a couple of tries, but I eventually calmed down enough so that I could sing the lyrics to the song.


	6. Let's Play a Game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Remus

After several hours of practice, we all gathered in the living room for a movie marathon, per Roman's orders. Why we were taking orders from him was beyond me, but we all listened anyway. He had gathered pillows and blankets and had them tossed around on the floor, along with bowls of popcorn. He even suggested that we all just stay the night as tomorrow wasn't a school day and it was pretty late out anyway. I had tried to protest, insisting that Patton and I had to be home, but my darling brother said he'd already messaged our father and he said it was cool for us to stay the night.

My future plans of being a hermit are being sabotaged by my own family at this point. Like, how am I supposed to get used to quiet solitude if my dad and brother keep forcing me to interact with other human beings?

"We don't have any pyjamas," it was my last attempt at an excuse for us to leave.

"Taken care of, hot topic."

"Tch, aww you think I'm hot," I said sarcastically, crossing my arms and glaring at the other boy.

Roman rolled his eyes and headed towards the staircase. "Come on, we have some of my and Remus' old clothes in one of the spare bedrooms. I'm sure you and Patton can fit them. We used to be short like you years ago."

"I could push you down the stairs you know," I grumbled as I followed him up the stairs. Patton stayed in the living room, digging through the movies that Roman had lain out on the coffee table.

"Why are you so violent?"

"It's a gift."

Roman led me down the hall, past several closed doors, to the room that they used for storage. Opening the door he stepped aside to let me in first and then followed, flicking on the light switch.

"You guys are rich and live in a mansion. Why aren't you in some ritzy private school or boarding school?" I walked around the room, looking at the toys and whatnot that were carefully stored in there.

"Why would we be? It's not like we're going to meet people with real personalities or realistic world views being around a bunch of snot-nosed trust fund brats," he replied, walking over to a chest on the far end of the room and opening it.

"Aren't you and Remus snot-nosed trust fund brats?"

"No. Our noses are very much snot free," he chuckled, pulling out a pair of bright red and white pyjamas and holding them out to me.

"Lemme guess, these were yours?" I said, taking the offered clothing and unfolding them. They looked like a prince costume and I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Yes, they were mine. You know, you could've just slept in your underwear. We're all guys here. And if you must be modest your t-shirt would've been fine."

"Yeah. Not gonna happen, princey."

"And why is that?"

"Two words. Car. Accident."

Roman froze in the middle of searching the trunk for another pair of pyjamas and looked over his shoulder at me. "Sorry. I forgot. But you do know that none of us would judge you for the scars. Right?"

"I don't even know you guys all that well. I just met you all on Tuesday. I'm not even sure why my dad agreed to let Patton and I stay the night. He hasn't met your parents. And, again, we just me you guys this week."

"Well, we wouldn't judge you," he turned his attention back to the crate. "And maybe he trusts your judgement, Virgil. You two are like what? 17? 18? You're old enough to be trusted to stay the night away from home on the weekend."

"Whatever."

"Aha!" He pulled out another set of pyjamas, less childish than the first pair he had handed me. This set was just a pair of red flannel bottoms with little crowns on them and a white t-shirt that a shield and castle design on it. "Is this more to your liking?"

"Yeah. Thanks," I took the pyjamas and walked downstairs with him, tossing the first set to Patton, who immediately dropped them.

"You know I'm not good at catching things," he said with a chuckle, picking up the clothes off of the floor.

"So, does that mean--"

"Finish that sentence and I'm driving over your drumset," Roman said to his brother in a warning tone.

Remus held up his hands in surrender and pretended to lock his lips.

"Virge, you and Patton can change in my room if you want. It's upstairs. Cinderella's castle is on the door. You can't miss it."

"Cinderella's castle?"

"I like Disney."

"I do too, but not like that," I waited for Patton and then headed up to Roman's room with him. We opened the door and were immediately met with bright white walls and furniture, with gold hardware and accents, like 101 Disney posters, and red carpeting. Did I mention the walls and furniture being right, fucking white? It was like staring at the sun! "My eyes!"

I could hear Patton giggle at my plight. Everyone thinks my brother is so nice and sweet and innocent. I swear he's a friggin' sadist.

"Found a dimmer switch," Patton said. I slowly lowered my hands and opened my eyes, sighing in relief to see the lights turned down a bit so that my retina wouldn't be burnt out of my eyes.

After we changed we went back downstairs and I shoved my clothes in my bookbag, I was still wearing my hoodie though. "Roman, dude. Why do you have like 100 watt LED bulbs in your room?"

"I don't," he gave me a confused look.

"Could fool me with how bright your room is."

"Is that why you yelled? I thought you and Patton were goofing around."

"Blindness is no laughing matter, princey."

Patton started giggling again and De and Remus joined him. I'm so glad my suffering could bring joy to those around me.

I walked over to the piles of pillows and blankets and plopped down beside Logan.

Patton curled up on the couch with De, and Remus lay upside down in the armchair. Roman put on a Disney movie before sitting on the floor with me and Logan.

"Let's play a game," the blonde boy suggested.

"What kind of game," De asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Truth or dare!" Remus yelled. His suggestion was met with a rather loud, and rather quick, 'no' from the rest of us.

"A word association game?" Logan suggested.

"I was thinking more along the lines of a game that would help us get to know each other. Or well, help Virgil and Patton get to know us since we all know each other."

"Two truths and lie?" De suggested, draping his arm over the back of the couch behind Patton's head.

"Lying is wrong, kiddo." De gave Patton an amused smirk and gently tousled his hair.

"Not in this situation, Pat. These lies aren't designed to hurt anyone. Just to give a bit of false information for the sake of entertainment. Kind of like acting. And we all already know that we'll be stating a lie, so it's okay."

Patton gave a slight nod of his head and looked to me.

"I'm cool with it," I said with a shrug.

"It's settled then. I'll go first," Roman said, running a hand through his hair. "I love the colour red. I love carrots. And, I was sorted into Gryffindor."

"The carrot one is a lie," I said, leaning on the coffee table. "You're supposed to make these tricky."

"Yes, well. They're supposed to start off easy. And I wouldn't have expected you to get that so quickly."

"It's called being observant."

"I believe it is now your turn, Virgil."

I sat up and pulled my hood over my head. "Alright. Let's see. I've got three tattoos. My favourite band is Evanescence. I think I'm a wonderful person."

"You don't have any tattoos," Roman said.

I chuckled in response and shook my head. "Wrong."

"He has a strom cloud on his inner right wrist, the heartless symbol from Kingdom hearts on his chest, and the opening notes to our mom's favourite song wrapped around his left wrist," Patton said with a smile. "And it's supposed to be two truths and a lie, kiddo."

"You're eighteen?" Roman asked in shock.

"Nope. In Arizona, a minor can get a tattoo as long as they have a parent or legal guardian present."

Logan: looked at me and frowned, "Why do you think so little of yourself, Virgil?"

Patton stared at Logan wide-eyed. "What?"

"Your brother seems to have low self-esteem. He has tattoos, I knew that wasn't a lie as I spotted the music on his wrist in our maths class. I've heard him humming Evanescence songs on several occasions in study hall. So, obviously the thinking he is a wonderful person is what is a lie."

"Virgil....noooo," Patton launched himself off of the couch and tackled me in a hug.

"It's okay, Patton," I gasped, trying to breathe. I take it back, I don't miss his hugs. I like breathing way more. "I don't think I'm a wonderful person, but I don't think I'm a piece of shit either. I'm just okay."

Patton loosened his grip and sat down beside me. "If you talk bad about yourself I'm gonna physically fight you."

"Your turn, Logan," I said with a chuckle.

"Alright. I am Asexual. I received a B in Art in my freshman year. I am allergic to cats."

"You've never gotten a B in your life," we all cried out in unison. Though Patton and I had only just met the other boy, it seemed very unlikely that he would have ever received anything less than an A in any subject in school.

"Falsehood," he stated matter of factly. "I received a B in Physical Education in third grade."

"Does that even count?" Patton asked.

"No, it doesn't," Roman replied. "Your turn, Pat."

"Okay. Okay. I have a bed full of stuffed animals. I love animals. I want to be a veterinarian when I finish school."

"You do not have a bed full of stuffed animals, Patton," Logan said sceptically, adjusting his glasses.

"I can vouch for the fact that he indeed does have a bed covered in stuffed animals and pillows," I said, shoving some popcorn in my mouth.

"What do you want to be when you finish school?" De, leaned forward and smiled at Patton.

"A kindergarten teacher," he replied with a chuckle.

"I think you would make an excellent kindergarten teacher," Roman said.

"Thanks, Ro. You're turn, De."

"My favourite colour is not yellow. I am blind in my left eye. I can play the piano."

"Too easy," Roman chuckled.

"You wear enough yellow that your left eye can see that it's your favourite colour, De," Remus said with a laugh.

De flipped him off and the rest of us chuckled.

Remus' turn," Patton said between giggles.

"I--"

"Keep it, PG," Roman warned.

Remus sighed and rolled his eyes. "Fine. I dye my hair. I'm trying to grow a moustache. I enjoy the taste of my deodorant."

"Deodorant isn't edible," Logan said with a disgusted look on his face. A look that was mirrored by everyone in the room except De and Patton. My brother looked concerned for the other teen. De just looked really annoyed.

"And he wonders why I don't kiss him on the lips often," the drummer's boyfriend stated.

"Wait, he actually eats deodorant?" Logan asked, obviously appalled by this discovery.

"Yeah," De sighed.

"I should've just let you say what you were going to originally say. I could've lived my entire life without knowing that you eat deodorant."

"So you would've preferred knowing I love getting two D's at once?"

We all groaned and facepalmed.

"Nope. Would definitely have preferred only knowing that you eat your deodorant. Did not need to know about that part of your personal life." I said, shaking my head and waving my hands in front of me.

"But who doesn't love getting doughnuts and deodorant?" Remus smirked.

"Roman. It's your turn again," I said, looking away from the obviously deranged teen.

We kept going until about one in the morning, sharing information about ourselves and watching Disney movies. Patton was the first to fall asleep, he curled up and used my legs as a pillow. At some point, Remus made his way over to the couch with De and they fell asleep holding each other. Logan fell asleep soon after we started hearing Remus snore, he toppled over sideways and landed in a mess of pillows. Carefully I reached over and grabbed his glasses, setting them on the coffee table with Patton's. Roman and I stayed up for another hour or so and just silently watched Brave. Roman fell asleep just before the credits started rolling. After being up for three days straight, sleep was finally catching up to me and I fell asleep shortly after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter kinda got away from me. lol It was supposed to be Roman's party, but the boys had different plans. So, the next chapter will be Roman's party. And I think any chapter where I give Remus more than one line will have him as a warning. Because dude has like no filter.
> 
> Also, the law in Arizona really is that a minor can get a tattoo as long as a parent or guardian is present. I double-checked just to be sure.


	7. Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Remus, alcohol, possible cursing
> 
> Not sure if all of the warnings above will appear in this chapter or if I'm missing any. Just wanna cover my bases. Also, I'm writing this on my mobile so please excuse any typos and weird formatting. When I finish the book I'll reupload all of the chapters so the formatting is consistent and typos are corrected.

We all got up around noon the next day. That gave us about five hours to clean up and plan music before Roman's party. At the jock's insistence we were going to be playing mostly pop music. I'm not sticking my nose up at pop music. Some of my favorite bands toe the line between pop, rock, and alternative. Lucky for us Remus was used to Roman's demands and had already put together a list of songs for us to play from just such bands, on top of the songs his brother insisted on. With about two hours to spare Roman ran me home to drop off me and Patton's book bags and to grab us some fresh clothes.

While De, Remus, and I set up the instruments in the living room, Patton set up the refreshments in the kitchen and Logan helped Roman move the furniture out of the middle of the floor. We finished a little after five, just as the first of Roman's guests started to arrive.

By seven it looked like the entire school was in the house and I was actively trying not to have an anxiety attack.

"It's gonna be fine, Virgil," De gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"Easy for you to say. You aren't lead vocals."

"I'll let you in on a secret our last lead singer told me. Just find a familiar face in the audience and play for them."

"We're playing a party, not doing a concert."

"Just play for your brother. He obviously enjoys your musical talents."

"Fine," I grabbed my guitar, I had brought the one my dad had bought me back with me from home, and made sure it was tuned. "What song are we playing first?"

"3am," Remus replied from behind his drum set. I nodded and we started playing.

About four songs later we took a break and I wandered off to find Patton. I had to dodge a couple of Roman's football buddies who were obviously inebriated (drunk jocks what fun) as I made my way through the house, eventually finding my brother hanging out with the cheer squad.

"Hey, Pat. Having fun?" I walked over and bumped my shoulder against his, grunting softly when he hugged me tightly.

"Yup. Don't touch the punch. Someone spiked it," he frowned slightly as he warned me.

"Thanks for the warning," I returned his hug. "Take it easy, I'm gonna go find a quiet spot to chill until Remus wants to play again."

"Okay, kiddo," Patton waves me off and I wandered around the house.

Eventually I found myself upstairs in Roman's room. The door was open so I wandered in, not really realizing it was his room until I looked up and was nearly blinded by all the white again.

"Virgil!" I jumped as my name was yelled and watched as Remus came walking into the room with a stumbling Roman beside him.

"What happened? Is he okay?" I pointed to Roman with a look of concern in my face.

"He's fine. Just drunk. What're you doing?"

"I'm not drunk," Roman pouted.

"Was wandering around looking for a quiet spot. Are you sure he's okay?"

"Yeah. He'll be fine. If he drinks any more he'll probably start groping you though."

"Remus!" Roman glared at his brother. I stared at them wide-eyed, blushing like crazy.

"What? You're handsy and horny when you get really drunk," Remus chuckled.

"Not cool!" We both yelled. Though we were probably yelling it about separate things.

"I'm heading outside," I pulled my hood up over my head and pushed by the two teens, making my way towards the stairs. I stopped at the head of the stairs though, when I heard Roman yell at Remus.

"Really, Remus?! Do you not think before opening your fucking mouth?"

Silence, Remus was probably talking, but at a more normal level than his drunk brother. Against my better judgement I walked back towards the room, curious about what they were saying.

"He's probably going to avoid me like the plague now!"

"You have a crush!"

"I do not!"

"You wanna fuck him."

"Remus Wulf! For the love of...!" I could hear pacing and a heavy sigh. "I want to be his friend. He's new to the school and in town. Plus, he's got all the same main classes as me. Logan has told me repeatedly that I'm too 'extra'. I'd like to have friends other than the guys on the football team and in theater. Unlike you I do like a bit of diversity in my friend group."

"What about Patton?"

"We only have lunch together. Though I do consider him a friend. But, honestly who couldn't consider him a friend? He's such a sweet, friendly, little puffball."

I couldn't help but smile as I leaned against the wall. He was worried about scaring me off because he wanted to be friends. Most people just wanted to avoid me. I guess I could be a little less hard on him. I pushed off of the wall and headed down the stairs.

I slipped my headphones on as I walked outside and put some music on on my phone. It was nice being outside and away from all the noise and the people inside for a bit.

My peace was short lived though. Someone came up behind me andtapped me on the shoulder. Turning around I was treated by Sunniva smiling brightly at me. Ugh. "'Sup?"

"Nothing much. Why are you out here instead of inside?"

"Too many people. You?"

"Saw you sneak out and wanted to make sure you were okay," she tucked her hair behind her ear and smiled at me.

"Look, not to sound rude or conceited or anything, but why are you always around me? Do you like a crush or something?"

Sunniva looked at me and blushed. "No. Oh no. Crap. I'm a sorry. I'm just like really used to being super friendly and close to people and I didn't stop to think that... I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, Virgil."

I let out a relieved sigh and chuckled, shaking my head. "It's all good. I was just scared for a bit there. You always sit close to me at lunch and that first day you asked me what my plans were for the weekend in like a whisper so I was kinda scared."

"I was gonna invite you to Roman's party if you weren't busy. I was whispering because Remus tends to jump to inappropriate conclusions about random shit and it is so annoying," she laughed. "I do have a crush on Patton though."

"Patton?" I stared at her in shock.

"Yeah. He's super friendly and adorable and sweet and kind and so caring."

I laughed. I couldn't help it. She sounded so adorable and sweet talking about Pat.

"What's so funny?" She crossed her arms and frowned at me.

"Nothing. It's just you sounded like Paton when he talks about a puppy or kitten. If you like him you should ask him out."

"But we just met."

"Yeah. Sometimes relationships work when you go looking for them. Sometimes they work better by just letting them happen naturally and not looking for them. There's no right or wrong way to it. If you like him you like him. Ask him out. Worst that could happen is he says no and asks to just be friends."

Sunniva nodded and opened her mouth to say something else, but was cut off by Logan approaching and telling me that Remus was ready to start playing again.

"We'll talk some more later," I told Sunniva before following the other boy back into the house.

***

The party was over at about midnight and a few people still hung around until almost three in the morning. Roman and Remus has both been drinking and so were in no condition to drive anyone home. So, we all crashed at their place again.


	8. Kidnapping

It had been about two weeks since Roman's party. Patton finally got his cast off and was eager to start practicing with the cheer squad. Sunniva still hadn't asked him out. And clubs were starting up at school.

Logan tried to get me to join debate, but I refused. De recommended theatre. Again, I refused. Remus suggested track. I looked at him like he was insane. Seriously, what about me suggested to him that I would run without being chased by a rabid dog or a hoard of zombies? Though, if I were being absolutely honest I would probably just lay on the ground and let them rip me to shreds. Running takes too much effort.

"You could run for secretary for student government," Logan suggested as we sat at our usual table in the cafeteria.

"I spend enough time with you and Roman at lunch, in class, and during band practice. What makes you think I wanna see your mugs more than I already do?" I said in a teasing tone.

"It would look good on your college transcripts."

"I'm not going to college."

Everyone at the table went silent. You would've thought that I had just told them I kick puppies as a hobby. For the record, I don't.

"Why not, Dr Gloom?"

"Don't see a point."

"What? No...point?" I think I may have broken Logan.

"Not everyone is cut out for the whole college thing."

"What do you plan on doing after high school then?"

"I dunno. It's still September, Roman. I have until June to decide." The taller boy nodded his head. "What're you going to college for?"

"Theatre. The stage calls me."

"I know Patton is going for early childhood education. What about the rest of you?"

"Astronomy."

"Computer science."

"Music. And De is going to study Law."

I was starting to think it was really weird that I didn't want to go to college or university. I mean, honestly, even Remus was planning on going. It's not like I hadn't considered it before. I just could never think of what I wanted to study and then I'd get scared that I wouldn't even do well in my classes. So, I just decided that to save myself the headache and stress I'd just forget about even going to college.

"Virge?"

I was pulled out of my thoughts by someone calling my name. Looking in the direction of the voice I saw Roman giving me a concerned look.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Just thinking. Did I miss something?"

"No. Just wanted to make sure you were okay."

***

Patton, Sunniva, and I walked down the street, heading towards the library after school. I had my headphones on, blasting Even Flow by Pearl Jam, while the other two talked excitedly about their routine for the upcoming football game. I was walking behind them a bit, chuckling to myself as I watched them talking to each other.

I nearly had a heart attack when someone came up behind me put their hands over my eyes. "Guess—oof!" I didn't give them a chance to finish talking as I turned quickly and punched them in the stomach.

"Dammit, Roman!" I glared at the taller boy, pulling my headphones off, as he leaned forward a bit and held his stomach in pain. Patton's Dan Sunniva walked around me and over to Roman to see if he was okay.

"You shouldn't have snuck up in him, kiddo," Patton's voice was still full of concern despite his words.

I looked past them as the sound of laughter caught my ears. Remus, De, and Logan were walking over to us. The drummer laughing at his brother's plight.

"Why are you guys following us?" I pulled my hood over my head and shoved my hands in my pockets.

"We saw you guys walking and Roman thought it would be amusing to sneak up on you," Logan stated.

"We wanted to see how badly it would go," Remus said, still laughing.

I rolled my eyes and sighed heavily. Why had I become friends with these dorks?

"Where are your cars?" Patton looked around concerned.

"At De's house. He lives close to the school," Roman righted himself and rubbed his stomach.

"Oh cool."

"I should be heading home," Logan said, looking at his watch.

"Want me to give you a ride?" Remus looked over to his friend.

"No. That's alright. I can take the bus," he excused himself and rushed off to the bus stop.

“So, where were you nerds headed?” Roman draped an arm around my shoulders. I rolled my eyes again and pushed him away from me.

“Library. Patton and Sunniva have a project to do and I wanted to get a jump start on the paper we have for English.”

“That paper isn’t due until December, Virge,” Roman and Remus gave me a confused look.

I should make one thing clear. I am only in AP and honor classes because I am so afraid of failing that I put more effort into my work than I actually need to. My anxiety gets so bad when it comes to school work that I put in so much effort that I complete all of the tasks to get an A and then the tasks that would earn me extra credit. The lowest grade I have gotten in any class is a B. Because I literally freak out about even that! I’m surprised I haven’t given myself an ulcer or high blood pressure.

“I know. Not much time to get it done,” I shrugged.

“Pat, when is your project due?” De walked over to my brother, completely ignoring me.

“In two weeks. Why?”

“You and Sunniva go on to the library. We’re kidnapping Virgil. He’s obviously a type a personality and he needs to take a break before he works himself into an early grave.”

“I am not going to work myself into an early grave!”

“Yeah. And I’m totally not going to have Logan make you a PowerPoint of all the dangers of not taking it easy from time to time,” De quirked an eyebrow at me and the nodded to Roman.

I was confused for all of a second then let out a yelp of surprise and dropped my bag as the football player lifted me up over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Thankfully Remus had some pretty quick reflexes and he caught my bag before it hit the ground.

“I’ll text you my address and you can come pick up your brother when you two are done.”

“Okay, De. Take it easy, Virgil!”

“Traitor!” I tried to fight Roman to get him to let me go, but to no avail. The jock was not setting me down. We were about a block away from De’s house when I finally gave up on fighting for my freedom.


	9. Well, That Could Have Gone Worse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Accidental misgendering

Roman finally set me down when we got to De’s house. Glaring at him I kicked him in the shin.

“Ow!” He rubbed his shin and glared back at me. “Real mature, Virgil.”

“Fuck off.” I pushed my hood off of my head and looked over to De. “Where’s your bathroom?”

“Down the hall. First door on the left,” he pointed me in the direction of the bathroom.

I grumbled a thanks and stormed off in the direction of the bathroom.

“Be careful, Remus broke the lock last week,” he called after me.

Once in the bathroom I took off my hoodie and t-shirt. All of my squirming when Roman was carrying me had caused my binder to bunch up, which was quite possibly the most uncomfortable feeling in the world. Sighing heavily I worked on readjusting the dark purple torture device when the bathroom door suddenly opened and a guy walked in, staring in wide-eyed surprise.

“Shit! I’m sorry!” He quickly shut the door and I quickly threw my shirt and hoodie back on. When I emerged from the bathroom I could hear De yelling at someone.

“Let me guess, our parents didn’t teach you about knocking on doors!”

“I wasn’t expecting to walk in and find a girl in the fucking bathroom! I didn’t even know you were back home!”

I cringed when I heard him refer to me as a girl. I hadn’t been spotted, but I could see my three friends. They all seemed rather confused by what the guy, who I’m assuming was De’s brother, said.

“There’s no girl here, Jay,” Remus said. “Did you bang your head?”

I walked into the living room where everyone was and pulled my hood up over my head.

“You okay, Virge?” Roman asked when he noticed me.

“You must’ve bumped your head because she’s right there,” Jay said, pointing to me. I glared at him from under my hood, entire body going tense.

I relaxed and stared in shock as Roman moved to stand in front of me. “He has a name. And it’s Virgil,” the princely boy stated. I stared at his back in surprise.

Jay was silent for a moment. “Shit... he’s...” he sighed heavily. “You mind moving so I can apologize, Ro?” The older guy said. Roman took a step to the side and I could see that his arms were crossed in front of his chest and he wore a scowl. “I’m sorry I walked in on you, Virgil. And I’m even sorrier for misgendering you. I didn’t know and I didn’t think. I’m really sorry.”

“Whatever,” I mumbled. “Can I have my bag, Remus? I need to get home.”

Remus silently handed me my bag and I thanked him before heading to the door and leaving. I was halfway down the walkway when I felt someone grab my wrist. I turned to punch the person that had grabbed me, but my fist was caught and I found myself facing Roman.

“What’s up, princey?” I took a step back so I didn’t have to crane my neck as much to look at him.

“I figured you could use a ride,” he said, running a hand through his hair.

“No that’s cool. I can walk,” I lowered my head and stared at my sneakers.

“Virgil. You live almost three miles away. Plus you’re upset. Let me give you a ride. Okay?”

I sighed and nodded my head. I didn’t mind the long walk home, but I was upset and my anxiety was elevated thanks to Jay. I probably wouldn’t make it home before breaking down and crying my eyes out, as much as I’d hate to admit it.

I followed Roman over to his car and got in on the passenger side and fastened my seatbelt. “Thanks for standing up for me,” I murmured as he started the engine.

“It’s what friends do,” he started driving towards my house in silence.

“You passed my house, Roman,” I looked at the side mirror as my house disappeared behind us.

“I know,” he kept his eyes fixed on the road.

“Look, Roman. I’ll stay away from you and Remus and your friends. I’ll even ask my dad to transfer me to a new school. Just please don’t hurt me,” I pleaded, feeling fear and panic rise within my chest.

“Virgil, relax. What part of my personality makes you think I would do anything to hurt you? Do you think De would hang around me if I were the kind of person to go hurting someone floor being different?” His voice was calm and gentle as he spoke.

“Wh-where are we going then?”

“The park. I go there sometimes when I’m upset and I thought a change of scenery would do you some good. Plus I didn’t want to leave you alone to dwell on any negative thoughts that might be swimming around in that head of yours.”

“...oh.”

“If you want I can turn back around and take you home. I just really didn’t want you to have to deal with your thoughts alone. I consider you a friend, Virgil.”

“Thanks, Ro.” I relaxed a bit and watched the scenery pass us by. We both remained silent until Roman parked his car about an hour later.

We both got out of the car and I followed Roman over to a bench and sat beside him. My hands were still in my pockets and my hood was still pulled over my head, mostly hiding my face.

“You wanna talk about it?” He finally asked after another five minutes of silence between us.

“What’s there to talk about? I got outed by that guy.”

“I don’t think Jay actually meant any harm. He sometimes talks without thinking. It’s kinda hard to believe that he and De were raised by the same people. Though, you’d think that growing up with De as a younger sibling he’d be a bit more observant and considerate.” I nodded silently. “You know, Virge. This won’t change how we see or treat you. You’re one of the guys. Nothing will change that.”

I glanced at Roman to find him looking at me with sincere eyes and I couldn’t help but blush a bit under his gaze. “You won’t tell Logan will you?” I turned my face towards the horizon and watched as the sun started to set.

“Nope. That’s not our place to do something like that. If you want him or Sunniva to know that’s up to you. Not us.” I nodded and murmured a thanks. “No need to thank me.”

We remained there, watching the sun set in a comfortable silence until the street lights came on. Roman then drive me back home.

I was just getting out of the car when Patton ran down the walkway towards me and hugged me tightly.

“Are you okay, Virgil? De told me what happened.” He held my face in his hands and searched my eyes to make sure I couldn’t hide my emotions.

“I’m fine, Pat. Roman took me to go see the sunset and think quietly for a bit.” I placed my hands over his and gently lowered them from my face.

Patton nodded then looked over towards Roman who had gotten out of his car as well and was leaning on the roof. “Hey, Ro. Remus is inside helping our dad with dinner. Do you wanna join us as well?”

Roman glanced over at me and I just shrugged and nodded my head. I really didn’t care either way. “Sure,” he replied walking around the car and heading inside with Patton and I.


	10. The Nightmare at Halloween: Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: implied history of self-harm, Remus

I'm not sure how they managed to do it, but they did it. They talked me into going to spending Halloween at Disney. And so, here I was, by some freaky miracle, sitting in the back of Remus' van with Roman. Patton and Logan sat in front of us. And De sat (slept) in the passenger seat up front.

We all stayed the night at Roman and Remus' house the night before. I was informed that it was mainly to prevent me from being able to back out at the last minute. I had been stupid enough to inform them that it was bold of them to think I wouldn't jump out of a moving vehicle to avoid going to an event that would undoubtedly be crowded and noisy. That's how I ended up in the back of the van with Roman, and no access to a door. It didn't help that my anxiety was through the roof being on the freeway in a van with big truck zipping past us.

We took frequent pit stops to allow me a chance to ground myself. Patton and Roman took turns walking with me to stretch my legs and breathe. I learned the night before that Patton had explained to the others why I had freaked out about getting in Remus' van. So they decided that we would be leaving out early to allow for frequent breaks.What should've been a three hour drive tops became a five and a half hour drive. If not for me the longest it would've taken to get from Gainesville, Florida to Orlando, Florida is three hours. And that's with avoiding the toll roads. Thanks to me an extra two hours was added to the trip. And one of those hours was because a semi had cut in front of us and I went into a full blown panic attack.

Yeah, I'm a mess and I'm seriously confused why these guys are even friends with me. It's been over a month and they still seem to like me. It's confused the hell outta me.

When we finally reached the park it was close to lunch time. As we piled out of the van, and De congratulated me on having only one attack, we brainstormed on where to eat. Roman grabbed a map as we checked into the park, still discussing what we all wanted to eat.

We eventually decided to hit up the 50's Prime Time Café for lunch. Roman and Patton walked ahead of the group, the princely boy telling my brother about all the fun things there were to do at the theme park. De and Remus told us that they wanted to hit up one of the gift shops with quick and would catch up with us at the cafe. Logan and I followed Ro and Pat to our destination, both of us silent.

"Thanks for talking me through my panic attack back there," my voice was soft and my head lowered.

"There is no reason to thank me, Virgil," his response, like Logan himself, was stiff.

"I don't know why you guys even wanted me to come along. You would've gotten here quicker and would probably have more fun if—"

"Shut up, Virgil." I stared in shock at the taller boy. The voice in my head telling me I pissed him off and that he now hated me. "There is no way we would have more fun here without you. Would we have gotten here in less time? Yes. Would we have been happier to spend the day here without you?"

"Hell no!" Roman chimed in, startling me. Where the hell had he come from.

"You are our friend, Virgil."

"Like it or not, hot topic, you are a part of this ohana." We all stared at Roman. "Ohana means family. And family means no one gets left behind. That even means you, Brad Pittiful." I rolled my eyes and Logan pinched the bridge of his nose.

"That reminds me. Sunniva said she'd meet us for the parade at around 8:30."

"Splendid!"

"That is satisfactory."

"Why didn't she come with us?"

"Her sister wanted to attend as well. But she had a test today and missing it was not an option," Logan adjusted his glasses as he spoke.

"You guys walk hella slow." We turned to see De and Remus approaching with a couple of bags in hand.

"What do you have there, kiddos?"

"Hats," Remus stated, pulling out Mickey ears and placing a pair on each of our heads.

"No." I said flatly, pulling the hat off my head.

"Oh come now, Virgil! What harm is there in wearing Mickey ears? They make the outing all the more fun!"

"They don't really fit my aesthetic, princey."

"And that's why I grabbed these," De reached in his back and pulled out several sets of fabric markers and paint pens. "We can decorate them while we eat lunch."

"Bippity boppity boo-ya!" Patton exclaimed.

"That's one of those outbursts we internalize, Patton."

Patton chuckled and stuck his tongue out at Logan. We all continued to talk and joke as we made our way to our destination and sat at a booth. Patton, Logan, and I on one side and, Roman, De, and Remus on the other. We placed our orders and began eating when our food arrived.

Somehow our conversation got on the hidden messages in Disney movies and that started a bit of an argument between Roman and I.

"All I'm saying is that there is a darker meaning to a lot of these films," I put a fry in my mouth and shrugged my shoulders.

"Bambi?" Roman questioned, glaring at me, we had already gone through like a dozen movies by this point.

"Man is dangerous."

"Pocahontas."

"White man is dangerous."

"Sleeping beauty."

"Now we're back to the pack of consent with sleeping women."

Roman looked ready to lean across the table and wrong my neck. And I won't deny that it was kinda fun pushing his buttons.

"Mulan."

"There's never a wrong time to dress in drag.

"The Lion King."

"There's never a wrong time to dress in drag..."

"And do the hula!" We exclaimed together before bursting into laughter.

"Alright. Alright. I shall concede a few points to you, Virgil. But, I still don't like that you look for the dark meanings in my beloved Disney films."

"I don't just look for the dark meanings, princey. I just notice them. I realize that life isn't all sunshine and rainbows and I don't instinctively look for it in movies. No matter how much the movie tries to push a happy ending full of sunshine and rainbows."

"Well this is refreshing," Logan chimed in, causing us all to give him a confused look. "What I mean is, Virgil has a more realistic view of things. No offense, Roman, but you can often be too optimistic and a bit too extra."

"I am literally the only one who isn't 90% doom and gloom and you say our resident emo is a breath of fresh air?" Roman cocked an eyebrow.

"I am not in 99% of my classes with Remus and De, Roman."

"Point," Roman sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Why so silent, padre?" He looked over at Patton, who hadn't spoken a single word during our debate.

"Ta-da!" Patton held up his Mickey ears to reveal the reason for his silence. My brother was never really any good at art, but he did a pretty damn good job of decorating his hat, he even added little puppy and kitten heads and hearts with glasses. We all complimented Pat on his adorable design, causing him to blush bright red.

The rest of us started decorating our ears, though Logan and I were a tad reluctant. From what I could gather from my friend’s grumbling he seemed to not understand the point of such “frivolous” endevours. I looked over at the other teen to see him drawing a necktie on his hat. I would’ve laughed, but I noticed Logan’s sleeve had rolled up a bit and a few pale lines peaked out from under the black fabric.

I must’ve been staring for awhile because Logan cleared his throat and adjusted his sleeve. “Is there something the matter, Virgil?”

“Uh...no. No. Sorry. Was lost in thought,” I shook my head and gave him a forced smile before turning my attention back to my own hat.

A few minutes later, after a lot of protesting from us, Roman paid for everyone’s lunch and we made our way back out to the crowded streets of the park. I have to admit I was surprised by the number of people there considering it was a school day.

“What should we do to kill the time?” De shoved a hand in their pocket and wrapped their other arm around Remus’ shoulders.

“Cyanide could be effective. Or I large knife,” the dark haired boy said, laughing his maniacal laugh and earning a few stares from other park goers.

“I told Patton I’d take him to the Trolley Cart. I wanna introduce him to Sandy.”

“No fair! I’m not allowed over there. Tell Loki I said hi.”

“Why isn’t he—“

“It’s Remus. Let’s just leave it at that,” De said, giving the other an annoyed look. I just nodded my head and shoved my hands in my pocket.

“I kinda wanna just walk around and take in the sights,” I said with a shrug of my shoulders.

“Might I suggest that De and Remus enjoy a few rides together. While Roman and Patton visit Sandy. And I can keep Virgil company so that he does not get lost.”

We all agreed to Logan’s suggesting and decided to meet up for dinner at Cruella’s Halloween Hide-A-Way. Roman said he would bring his friend to dinner if she got off in time, and Patton said he would text Sunniva for her and her sister to meet us there. Logan used his phone to reserve a table with enough seating for nine people as we walked away from the group.

“Hey, Lo?” We’d been walking in silence for a good twenty minutes before I opened my mouth.

“Hmm?”

“I umm... I saw your arm. Back at the cafe. Sorry I stared.”

“Oh. I see. I suppose you want to know about the marks. Am I correct?”

“You don’t have to tell me, dude. I know it can be difficult opening up to people.”

“You...what?” He looked over at me and raised his eyebrows in shock.

“I’ve got scars too. I’m not gonna lie and say I’m curious about yours. You seem so calm and collected and kept together. It really caught me off guard to see them. But I’m not judging and I won’t make you tell me about them. They’re your battle scars. Just know that if you do wanna talk about it. Or talk to someone in general just to unload I’m here for you.”

“Th-thank you, Virgil. That means a lot.”


	11. The Nightmare at Halloween: Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Remus

Several hours later we all met up at Cruella's Halloween Hide-A-Way. Logan and I were first to arrive. Then De and Remus showed up, carrying a few more shopping bags. Lastly, Roman, Patton, and a person a bit shorter than me, dressed as Loki, showed up.

"Greetings, lords, ladies, and non-binary royalty!"

"You do realize that besides Loki we all fall into Nader the labels lords and non-binary royalty," De gave the jock an annoyed look.

"Hey, De, Remus, and Logan," Sandy smiled brightly and waved at the boys. "You must be, Virgil." She offered me her hand and I hesitantly shook it.

"Y-yeah."

"You're so adorable. I'm Sandy."

"Uhh...nice to meet you," I felt my cheeks warm up.

"Our table is waiting for us. I requested seating for nine people so that Sunniva and her sister could join us." Logan led us inside and we all followed the host to our table.

Patton sat beside Sandy and talked animatedly with her and Roman about all things Disney and fluffy animal related. I sat silently beside Logan and watched my brother easily make a new friend with a bit of envy. Why was it always so easy for him to make friends?

Letting out a soft sigh I picked up my menu and began looking through it.

"Can I get you guys something to drink?"

De and Logan each ordered a water. Remus asked for a glass of pickle juice and when he was informed that they didn't have that he settled on a root beer. Patton, Roman, and Sandy all ordered milkshakes. I just got a hot chocolate.

The waiter nodded and walked off to get our drinks. When he left I turned my attention back to the menu.

"Dinner is on me," Roman ran a hand through his hair and opened his menu.

"Dude! You paid for lunch!" De, and I protested.

"Yes. And I'm paying for dinner."

"No. I've got me and Remus."

"I'll take care of Payton and I."

"I'm more than capable of paying for my own dinner as well, Roman."

"I swear..." Roman sighed heavily and ran his hand through his hair again, setting his menu down. "Why can't you all just let me do something nice? And I don't even remember asking about paying. I just said that I would."

"Who paid for our tickets?" Patton asked, looking as though something had just dawned on him.

"Roman did. He always treats for the holiday outings," Remus said, thanking the waiter when he brought back our drinks.

"What?"

"This is true. Though that does not make it any less annoying."

"I would seriously like to treat my boyfriend to something once in awhile," De took a sip of his water.

Remus smirked and I swear every single one of us turned white as sheets. De choked in his water. And before any of us could stop him, Remus spoke. “You treat me your body every time you stay the night.” We groaned. Sandy, Patton, and De blushed. Roman hung his head in defeat.

“That was surprisingly not as perverse as it could have been.”

“Yeah, I’m thankful he didn’t go into detail.”

“Oh. It’s not like no one at this table knew I was talking about you—“

“Remus! I swear...” Roman thankfully cut his brother off before he could finish his sentence. Sadly it was not before our waiter arrived and was probably able to figure out what we were talking about by the looks on our faces.

“Ahem...” we all looked up at the red faced man and the majority of us immediately felt sorry for him. “Are you all ready to order?”

We each placed our orders, De and Roman apologizing to the man repeatedly for Remus. After taking our orders he left to go and put them in with the kitchen. We all turned and glared at Remus.

“What?”

“Why are you like this?”

“Do you have no chill?”

“That was really embarrassing, kiddo.”

“And you wonder why you aren’t allowed near the Trolley Cart.”

“Please don’t talk like that out in public again.”

I sat silently and watched as Remus seemed completely unfazed by their chastising him for his behavior. The worst part is I had learned later in that he really wasn’t fazed by it.

After we finished eating dinner Roman insisted that we all have desert. Sunniva and her sister arrived just as the waiter came to take our desert orders and Roman insisted they order something as well.

“Sorry we’re late. Katy was freaking out over her test so we had to take some time for her to relax.”

“You say it like it’s not a big deal! It’s really scary. You are so lucky you got skipped ahead, Logan. The new science teacher is really tough. He expects us to read ahead in our books and even includes the stuff on tests that he gives us every week.”

Logan gave her a sympathetic look and adjusted his glasses. “My condolences.”

“Skipped ahead? How old are you, kiddo?” Patton looked over at the necktie wearing teen in awe.

“I’m fourteen,” he blushed slightly.

Wait. This kid is three years younger than me and he’s taller than me? Why is life so unfair?!

“Wow. You’re really smart. And shame on you, Remus for talking the way you do in front of a minor!”

De chuckled slightly and Remus rolled his eyes. Logan blushed some more and murmured a thank you.

Once we were all done with our desert and Roman paid we all made our way to the location of the parade to check it out.

It was a nightmare. Lots of people and lots of noise. This was not fun at all. Don’t get me wrong, the parade was nice and the Halloween party was nice. But the number of people in this place was driving me insane.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when I felt someone slip their hand into mine and give it a slight squeeze. Looking down at the offending appendage I followed it up to its owner and flushed slightly when I saw Roman standing beside me with a relaxed smile on his face as he spoke with someone dressed as Aladdin.

I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to react to the contact. Why was he holding my hand? Why was he so close? Why did he act like it was no bid deal? Why was he so handsome? Wait. What? Handsome? No! No. That’s not what I meant. I started spiraling again, this time it wasn’t because of the crowds.

I felt the hand that had started this new wave of thoughts squeeze my hand again and I relaxed a bit. How? Why? I wasn’t gonna dwell on it too long. It was nice being able to relax and not freak out in public.

We continued enjoying the Halloween festivities, me more so than I was before because I could actually calm down and breathe. Roman only let go of my hand twice since he’d started holding it. Once was to take a picture of me with a few people dressed as the characters from A Nightmare Before Christmas, and once to buy us a snack to enjoy together.

At one point Sandy took a picture of Roman and I while we were, in her words, looking cute together. I’m really not sure what she meant by that. When I asked she just smiled and sent the picture to princey.

“Thor!” We turned to see Sandy running over to a guy about my height, dressed as the god of thunder himself.

“Brother!” Came the man’s response as they hugged and laughed.

Sandy grabbed the guy’s hand and dragged him over to Roman and I. “Thor, this is Roman and his friend Virgil. Virgil, Roman, this is my brother from another mother, Thor.”

“‘Sup?” He gave us a two finger salute and a friendly half smile.

“Greetings.”

“Is Thor your real name?” Nice one, Virge. Really good with those people skills.

“Nah,” he chuckled. “The name’s Orion. Loki and I just always address each other as Thor and Loki because we’re like siblings. And Thor and Loki are only the most badass pair of siblings in the MCU and who better to represent us?”

“Cool,” I flinched slightly as I hadn’t expected Roman and I to answer at the same time.

“So, how long have you two love birds been dating? Can’t have been long since you seemed to have been caught off guard by that.”

I looked at Orion in shock and then looked at Roman who was blushing. “N-no. We’re not... we’re just friends.” We answered in unison again.

I noticed Sandy elbow Thor in the side and he chuckled again. “Sorry. I just assumed because you guys look really cute together.”

“Nope. Strictly platonic,” I replied, pulling my hood up over my head.

“He is an emo nightmare,” Roman ran a hand through his hair, I could see that he was teasing me with that name by the look in his eyes. I swallowed hard and quickly looked away from him.

“I could do way better than Sir sing-a-long here.”

“Jokes on you, I like that name and I’m gonna keep it!”

We all started laughing and fell into a comfortable conversation about Marvel comics and the MCU

Before long the party was over and we were all heading out to the parking lot. Patton told me he was going to drive back with Sunniva and her sister so that they could continue talking. Also, he didn’t like the idea of them driving alone so late at night.

Sandy and Orion said good bye and made their way to Orion’s car. Apparently they were going to go binge watch every MCU and Marvel movie made by Disney, Fox, and Sony. I don’t think they planned on getting any sleep for the next two or three days.

I ended up in the back of the van again with Roman. Logan day in front of us, reading a book. De and Remus laughed and talked with each other while we drove back to Roman and Remus’ place.

It had been a long day so I didn’t have the energy for another panic attack, thankfully, and soon found myself falling fast asleep.


	12. Thanksgiving

“VIRGIL!!!” I turned as my name was yelled out in the crowded corridor with just enough time to brace myself for impact. The wind was still knocked out of my as Patton threw himself at me and caused me to collide with Roman who was walking to the cafeteria with me.

“Pat. Pat. Air. Can’t. Breathe,” I wheezed out, trying to pry my brother off and ignore Roman chuckling.

He and I had been hanging out a bit more since the Halloween trip to Disney. I’ve also been hanging out a bit more with Logan, but he hadn’t come to school today. Apparently his dad always takes him out a day before Thanksgiving break starts so they can go visit family for the holiday.

“Sorry, kiddo. I’m just super excited,” he loosened his grip and I took a few gulps of air.

“About what?”

“Mom and Mum invited Patton and his family over to our place for thanksgiving dinner,” Remus said, walking over towards us with his hands in his pockets.

“That’s wonderful!”

I let out a yelp as Roman lifted me into the air and hugged me tightly. I swear I was gonna end up with a broken rib by the end of the day. “Will you and Patton please stop trying to kill me!”

The other three teens chuckled as Roman set me down and we began walking to the cafeteria again. We went to sit out our usual table, but were shocked by the site before us. De was sitting there with someone. What shocked us wasn’t that De was sitting there, he’d been known to skip class sometimes to hang out with us. What shocked us was that the person he was sitting with was a distraught looking Logan.

Patton ran over to our friend and hugged him tightly while the rest of us silently sat at the table.

“What’re you doing here, Logan?” Remus has an uncharacteristically concerned look on his face which made me even more concerned.

Logan shook his head and then glanced at me for a moment before staring back down at the table.

“I’ve been trying to get him to talk since he showed up last period. I decided to bring him here figuring he’d talk to one of you guys.”

I walked around the table and placed a hand on Logan’s shoulder. “I forgot something at my locker. Come with me to get it?”

With a slight nod of his head Logan stood up and walked with me out of the cafeteria. Instead of heading to my locker we went outside and sat down under a tree. “Wanna talk about it?”

“My father decided that he was tired of the constant reminder of his dead wife and told me I could either leave or die too. So I left.”

“When?”

“Last night.”

“Got any place to go?”

“No.”

“Can you go back and get your belongings?” I pulled out my mobile and text my dad.

“I am fairly certain he would be agreeable to the idea of me removing any trace of my presence from his home.”

“Okay. We’re leaving school early. My dad is on his way to get us.”

“What? Virgil. No. I can’t.”

“Too late. He’s on his way. You can stay with us while we work on getting you emancipated.”

“Emancipated?”

“Yes. If we try to get you just taken out of your dad’s home they’ll put you with another family member. We can do that if you want.”

“No. They all blame me for her death.”

I nodded and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “Wanna talk about it?”

“My mother died in childbirth. My father tried his best to raise me and take care of me. It seems that as I got older the more I looked like her. That upset him a lot. He couldn’t handle it. I threw myself into my studies so that he did not have any reason to deal with me really. I even took on a lot of pain xtra curricular activities to be at home as little as possible. Two years ago I started cutting because the stress was getting too much. Music and my studies weren’t even helping anymore.”

My heart broke for my friend. No one needed to go through that.

“Perhaps it would be easier for everyone if I had died instead of my mother. Or even if I was just dead right now.”

“Nope. None of that talk. Especially not around Patton, he will physically fight you. I know.” I got him to chuckle a little which was a relief. “You aren’t on your own in this, Logan. I’ve got your back. We all do.”

“Please don’t tell the others.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t.”

***

Logan and I met up with the others at Roman’s house after my dad got the guest room situated for Logan. We were immediately chewed out by Patton for making him worry. We both knew that we had to tell him and our other friends something. We just didn’t know what.

“My apologies, Patton. My grandmother fell ill and my father needed to leave town to take care of her. He left in the middle of the night and forgot to notify me so I was a bit scared and out of it when I got up this morning. Like Virgil, I too am prone to anxiety attacks. Your father has offered to allow me to stay with you all until my grandmother is better and my father returns to Florida.” His little lie seemed to have appeased Patton and the others. They all felt bad about Logan’s grandmother feeling well. Patton wanted to give Logan’s father a piece of his mind for leaving in the middle of the night, even if it was an emergency. Logan assures him that his father had explained that he thought he had woken him up and told him and felt really bad about the confusion.

I’m not a fan of lying to Patton, but I couldn’t tell Logan how to handle his personal shit. So, I kept my mouth shut.

***

“How? Why? What?”

“It’s a simple yes or no question, Virgil. Will you go out with me?”

Roman and I were sitting alone in his room while everyone else was downstairs talking and/or cooking. It was Thanksgiving Day. The day I had been dreading because I had been doing an excellent job of avoiding meeting the parents of my friends, but there was no avoiding them here. Most parents didn’t approve of me. I was too dark and edgy in their opinion and they didn’t want me being a negative influence on their kids. Mrs and Mrs Wulf, and Mrs Pettus had all taken a liking to me as soon as I showed up with Patton, Logan, and my dad. I have to admit that had been a relief, but it had also scared the heck outta me.

I had learned a lot about my friends in the hour before Roman had asked to talk to me in private. De’s parents had adopted him and his brother. Their dad was a cardio thoracic surgeon and had been called in on an emergency last minute so he couldn’t join us. Roman and Remus had the same father, but their mothers each carried one of them. They said it took a lot of planning to make sure they had both boys on the exact same day. That’s some dedication. They had also insisted that we call them by their first names, Juno and Minerva. It was going pretty well. Then Roman asked to talk to me. I had been scared. But when I heard his question I got even more scared.

“Earth to Virgil.”

“Right. Umm...” I stared up at him in disbelief. What do I say? Why was he asking me out? Was this some kind of joke? Before my brain could come up with any more questions my mouth opened up and an answer came forward. “Sure.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” I nodded my head.

“I’ll pick you up Friday evening. We can go catch a movie.”

“O-okay...”

“If you don’t want to, Virgil, I’ll—“

“No. I want to. You just kinda caught me off guard. I’ve never been asked out before.”

“Oh,” he smiled.

We blushed.

I silently praise I wouldn’t fuck this up.

Later while we all sat around the table and everyone said what they were thankful for I thought to myself: I’m thankful to have met someone who has seen me at my worst and still wants to be my friend or maybe more. I said aloud, “I’m thankful for friends who actually accept me even after seeing how bad my anxiety can get.”


	13. Date Night

Roman showed up to my place exactly when he said he would to pick me up for our date. I, however was not mentally prepared to go out and was dragged from my room by not only Patton, but also my dad, and Logan (the traitor). Shoved out of the house and with the door locked behind me I looked up at the taller teen and just blushed.

"If you didn't want to go you could've said no, Virgil."

"Whaaaat? No! No. Dude. Roman. No." I sighed and dragged a hand down my face (thank goodness my eyeshadow always looks messy anyway). "I'm nervous. Alright?!" Shoved my hands in my pockets and looked away from him.

"Nervous? Why?"

"Because I've never been on a date before and I really don't wanna fuck up our friendship."

"Virgil..." Roman pulled me into a hug and I tended up without even trying to. I was caught off guard. I wasn't expecting the embrace. I was expecting how gentle his voice was when he said my name. I wasn't expecting him to be so warm. I wasn't expecting him to smell like roses and chocolates. Why the hell did he smell like roses and chocolates? "If this date doesn't go well enough that we both want a second then that's alright. One bad date won't stop me from being your friend."

"Really?" I looked up at him in shock.

"Really. Now let's get going, My Chemically Imbalanced Romance. Our movie starts in an hour." He led me to his car and opened the door for me.

I thanked him as I climbed in and put my seatbelt on and he closed the door before getting in on his side. He put in his own seatbelt and started the engine, driving us the the movie theater.

When we got to the theater Roman had informed me that he had gotten us tickets to see Aladdin. After he showed our tickets to person checking them he lead me over to the concession stand and bought us snacks. I found a couple of seats in the back of the theater. Normally I would've picked a seat in the middle, but most of the seats had already been taken. Plus sitting in the back is what teens on dates did anyway. Right?

We quietly chatted while the ads played on screen. We were a bit early and had plenty of time to chat before the lights dimmed. As the movie started I pulled my hood up over my head and absently nibbles on some popcorn.

About ten minutes into the movie I felt someone staring at me. My head snapped to the left in time to see, Roman quickly turn his attention back to the screen, a small smile and a faint blush on his face. My cheeks immediately started to heat up and I slowly turned my attention back to the movie.

***

“Did you enjoy the movie?” Roman took my hand in his as we walked out of the theater.

“Yeah. It was pretty good. Have to admit I liked it a bit better than the original,” I chuckled and moved a little closer to him as a cool breeze blew past us. “He still only got the princes after lying and deceiving his way into the palace.”

Roman laughed and probably rolled his eyes at me. I’ve spent enough time around him since our first encounter to know that he definitely rolled his eyes. “I promised Patton I’d have you home by midnight. We still have some time to kill. Would you mind if I took you to one more place?”

“Sure.”

We got into Roman’s car and he started driving. I watched absently as the scenery flew past us, only looking away from the window when I felt Roman take my hand in his.

“You’re kinda touchy-feely even while sober, huh?” I teased.

He chuckled and blushed. “I can stop if you’d like me to.”

“No,” I may have said that a little too quickly. “I umm... I like when you hold my hand. It feels nice...” my voice trailed off and my cheeks felt like they were on fire. I quickly looked back out of the window, not wanting him to see how much I was blushing.

“I think so too.”

We drove the rest of the way in silence. Roman opened the door for me when we got to our destination. I recognized it as the place he took me when De’s brother outed me to them. Logan was still the only one in our friend group who didn’t know I was trans. Patton had said that when I was ready, if I ever wanted to tell him, he would sit with us while I do it. I figured I’d tell him tomorrow.

We sat down on the ground and Roman gently pulled me down as he lay back. I glanced over at him. His eyes, a beautiful shade of golden brown, were focused on the sky. I could see the stars reflected in them. I’m not sure how long I had been staring at him, but it must have been for awhile because the stars were no longer reflected in his golden eyes, but my own silvery blue eyes were.

My eyes widened and I blushed like crazy, but I didn’t move. I couldn’t move. Why was he suddenly so close. Did Roman move closer to me? Did I move closer to him?

“Virgil?” His voice was low and his breath was warm against my skin.

“Hmm?”

“May I kiss you?”

My mind went crazy and my internal voice started screaming. Inside my mind was kinda like that scene from Spongebob where the miniature SpongeBobs were trying to find dude’s name and couldn’t. Yeah. It was like that in my head as I tried to find my voice. All I could do was nod my head though.

It was a short, chaste kiss. His soft lips pressed gently against mine. And even though it was short it still felt like time stood still for a moment. We stared at each other afterwards, in silence. A silence that was broken by the sound of screaming. Screaming coming from... Roman? But he wasn’t screaming.

“Fucking a, Remus.” He sat up quickly and pulled his mobile out of his pocket. “Sorry, Virge.” He answered the phone and started chewing out the person, Remus I gathered, on the other end.About ten minutes of him cursing and me trying not to laugh at the half of the argument I could hear later he hung up the phone and gave me an apologetic look. “My apologies. Remus can be quite annoying at times.”

“It’s cool,” I chuckled and waved a dismissive hand. “We should probably be heading back. It’s getting late.” I stood up and stretched. Roman did the same and offered me his hand. I happily took it and we walked back to his car.

The drive back to my place was silent, but comfortable. When we pulled up to my house Roman got out and opened the door for me again and then walked me up to my door.

“This was nice, Princey.”

He blushed.

“If you would want to I wouldn’t mind going on another date with you.”

He smiled brightly and gently caressed my cheek. “I would be more than happy to take you out again. May I give you a goodnight kiss?”

I nodded, my heart racing. He leaned in and placed another chaste kiss to my lips, this one a bit longer than the last one. Long enough for me to return it. We both were nearly as red as Roman’s jacket when we pulled away, grinning like a couple of idiots.

“I-I’ll see you Monday.”

“See you then, Hot Topic.” He placed a quick kiss on my cheek then went back to his car.

As he pulled off I walked into the house and was immediately tackled by Patton who wouldn’t stop squealing in delight and was talking a mile a minute. From what I could gather he’d been spying on us in the window.


	14. It’s Just a Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been out of high school for like 14 years. And I went to two high schools without sports teams. So please forgive me for not knowing when events typically take place. I’m relying on Bing and Google here.

“Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope,” I shook my head and quickly walked down the hall, leaving Roman to follow and whine.

“Why not, Virgil? We’ve been going out since the Friday after Thanksgiving!”

“We’ve has two dates, Roman.” I pulled my hood over my head and picked up my pace as we were starting to gather attention with the other boy being loud.

“Virgil, please,” he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back towards him.

I pulled my wrist out of his hand and gently pushed him back, “I have practice that weekend.”

“Virgil! Come on! It’s the last game of the season and it’s an away game. Please. I’m begging you. This is my last game of the school year. Then I have A Christmas Carol rehearsals.”

“I don’t dance, Roman.”

“We won’t have to dance. We could just hangout together.”

“Then why go to the homecoming dance?”

“Because it would be date number three?” He looked hopeful. And I’m fairly certain Patton taught him to do those damn puppy eyes I can’t say no to.

“Fiiiine,” I sighed heavily, crossing my arms.

“Yay!” Roman picked me up and hugged me tightly, which got us a few more stares.

“Put me down. We’re gonna be late for class,” I grumbled, feeling my cheeks burning with embarrassment. The taller teen apologized and set me down before taking my hand in his and happily walking to class with me.

Once we got to class he took his seat and I walked over to my seat near the back beside Logan.

“Roman seems to be in a rather joyous mood, despite our having a test today.”

“I agreed to go to the homecoming dance with him this weekend.”

“Why did he wait so late to ask you?”

“I dunno. Probably wasn’t planning on going if our first two dates sucked.”

“I see. Are you two going steady now?”

I looked at Logan as if he’d grown a second head. “First off. No one says “going steady” anymore. Secondly. I don’t know. I mean, we’ve only had two dates. This would be our third.”

“Do you like him?”

“Yeah.”

“Does he like you?”

“I think so. He’s always finding reasons to spend more time with me.”

“Then perhaps you two should make it official.”

“I dunno. I’ll leave it up to him,” I shrugged my shoulders and tapped my pen on my desk.

“I guess that would make sense. As he is more knowledgeable in this department than either you or I.”

I chuckled and nodded my head. As the teacher walked in I found my gaze wandering over to the jock on the other side of the classroom and felt a slight smile tug at the corners of my mouth.

“It is quite obvious how infatuated you are with him, though.” I quickly turned and glared at Logan. The younger teen had a smug smile firmly in place on his face.

“Take one test and pass the rest back. Once you get your sheet you are free to begin,” Dr Picani stared. He was the school guidance counselor, but he’d been substituting for our Maths professor since she was out on maternity leave.

Once I got my test I began working silently. My anxiety too high about failing for me to even be bothered to remember the conversation I had been having just a moment ago. Four minutes in Logan turned in his test and sat back at his seat with a book. Show off.

It wasn’t a long test, but it took me about half the class to complete it since I absolutely had to go back and double and triple check all of my answers. After handing in my test I sat down as well and began doodling in my notebook. I’m not a skilled artist, but I still enjoyed doodling.

After class I walked out with Logan, Roman behind us, and we headed towards the library. We had a project due in science and the teacher, wanting none of us to do poorly on it had given us the first week back from break as free time to work on it. We were allied only to work in the labs or in the library. Any student found loitering was getting an automatic F on the assignment. Not something I was a fan of so I was only going to be in one of two places during class time.

***

“I look like a tool, Logan.”

“You look like a respectable young man. Now stop fidgeting with your tie,” he slapped my hand away and readjusted the strip of fabric that was around my neck like a noose.

“Says the guy who readjusts his tie literally every five seconds.”

“Falsehood. It’s every ten point three five seconds. And only when I’m extremely nervous.”

“Why am I not surprised you would time something like that?”

I looked at myself in the mirror on my closet door again and wrinkled my nose. I was wearing a black suit with a purple dress shirt and a purple and black patchwork tie. It was my aesthetic, for the most part, but it still made me want to gag. My dad and Patton cooed from the doorway as they peaked in at me and Logan getting ready. I glared at their reflections in the mirror and quickly brushed my bangs down in front of my eyes. Much better.

Logan and Patton were going together as friends. Sunniva still hadn’t gotten the courage to ask my brother out. And Logan has agreed to go with Patton since he wanted to go, but not alone. De and Remus were apparently going as well, as each other’s dates of course.

I looked at my brother, and my best friend in their nearly matching suits (Patton’s a baby blue and Logan’s a navy blue) and remembered a conversation I’d had with my brother a few weeks ago. I’d asked if he had a crush on Logan, I wanted to know so I could warn Sunniva if she was gonna be barking up the wrong tree. He told me he had a squish on the other boy. His feelings for him were strictly platonic. As far as he knew. I knew for a fact that Logan enjoyed his company and even though he would deny it, he adored my brother’s dad jokes. I think he had a bit more than just a squish on my brother, but wouldn’t say anything for fear of rejection. Seriously, does Pat only attract people who are so attracted to him they fear him?

The door bell rang and we walked down the stairs. Patton and Logan were driving to the dance together, but had said they wouldn’t leave until Roman had come to get me. Probably afraid I’d change out of my suit and hide in bed until the sun disappeared.

They know me too well.

I opened the door and saw Roman standing there in a white suit with a red dress shirt and gold tie. He cleaned up rather nicely.

“Wow, Virgil, you look...”

“Dismal?” I offered.

“Monochromatic?”

“My shirt is purple, Logan!”

“Spicy!”

“Patton, your brother isn’t a good item,” our father groaned.

“Beautiful,” Roman smiled.

I flinched and stared at him in shock, my cheeks were probably as red as Patton’s hair.

“I’m glad to see you didn’t change your mind and hide in bed until the sun disappeared.”

He knows me too well.

“I’ll have him home by midnight, Mr Novas.”

“Okay. You kiddos have fun.”

“Wait!” We all stopped and looked at Patton. “De invited us over to his place after the dance since Virgil and Logan have practice tomorrow.”

“Practice is usually held at the Wulf household, Patton. Virgil and I can take a cab there in the morning.”

“I’m just telling you what De said.”

“I’ll talk to him about it at the dance and see what’s up,” I replied before heading outside with Roman.

“Call me and let me know what’s going on,” my dad sighed. Having teenage sons could not be easy for him.

The four of us left and got into our two respective cars and drove to the school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After writing the last chapter I realized that I’m probably not going to be able to fit everything I wanted to in to this book without making it a million chapters long and covering only 9 months of school. So, it’s gonna be another series. Once I finish Hold On and A Call to Darkness I’m going to work exclusively on Apocalyptic Morality until it’s done. Then I’m going to devote time to one of my original stories. After that I’ll get back to one of my Sanders Sides fanfic series.


	15. Dance Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah. Dance Dance by Fallout Boy popped into my head while brainstorming key points for this chapter last night. I spent the entire time singing the song instead of brainstorming. This should be fun.

“You can’t be serious, De.”

“What can’t he be serious about,” I asked as Remus and I approached our friends. I handed Roman a glass of punch and took a sip of mine.

“Patton asked De about our rehearsal tomorrow. Apparently it was his idea, and not Remus’. We seem to have a gig next weekend and De wants to rehearse more frequently so we’re ready.”

“Okay. First. Why does everyone feel the need to let me know these things last?”

“Because if we don’t give you a last minute notice you’ll find an excuse to back out of it,” Logan stated matter of factly.

“One time! I did that only once! And bold of you to assume I won’t find an excuse with last minute notice. Second question. Why is Roman complaining?”

“I’m excited for you guys,” he took a sip of his punch and looked away with a blush on his face.

Liar.

“Uh-huh. Sure,” I took a sip of my own drink, nearly choking on it when Patton squealed. I looked over to him to fuss about his outburst, only to see him drag Logan towards the dance floor.

“Patton, I do not dance,” the nerd protested. But, alas, his protests fell on deaf ears.

I chuckled as I watched my brother try and get the other boy to dance. I would’ve laughed longer if Roman hadn’t pulled me towards him and wrapped his arms around my waist.

“Roman,” I said in a warning tone as he held me close, pressing his chest to my back and started swaying.

“Yes, my darling emo nightmare?”

“I thought we agreed that I didn’t have to dance.”

“It’s a slow song, Virgil. Come now. Don’t be a stick in the mud.”

“I don’t dance, Princey.”

“You’re doing a wonderful job of it right now though.”

Without even realizing it I had started moving along with him, and I wanted to kill him for it. It wasn’t exactly true that I didn’t dance. My mother had been a dance instructor, so Patton and I were formally trained in a multitude of dance styles. It was something we did to spend time with her. It was something I stopped doing when she died.

“Please stop, Roman,” my body went tense and my voice got quiet. Dancing reminded me of her. I didn’t want to remember her.

I felt a hand grab my wrist and pull me out of the gymnasium. Gentle hands cupped my cheeks and my tears were being wiped away. Tears? When had I started crying?

“Talk to me, Virgil. Please.”

I looked up to see...Logan. His dark brown eyes were filled with concern. I took a step back and looked around. Roman was near the door to the gymnasium with Patton. They both looked scared and worried. What had happened?

“What happened?” I looked back up at Logan with confusion in my eyes.

“We don’t know. You just started crying. I noticed while I was dancing with Patton so I grabbed your wrist and brought you out here. I assumed you didn’t want anyone else to see you crying.”

I nodded numbly and murmured a thank you.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah. I think so,” I sighed heavily and moved forward, leaning my forehead against my friend’s chest. I felt a hand hesitantly pat my head and I chuckled softly. “I’m good, Lo. Thanks.”

“Of course. If you want to talk I’m here.”

“I haven’t danced since my mother died.”

“Patton mentioned her. She was a dance instructor, was she not?”

“Yeah. She taught us to dance. When she died I stopped dancing. And dancing reminds me of her. I guess I kinda got caught in a spiral of past thoughts.”

“I see.”

“I’m okay now, though,” I stood up straight and wiped my eyes, giving the other teen a reassuring smile.

“You should let Roman know. He seems very worried.”

“I will,” I looked over to my brother, and my...boyfriend? Could I call him that? I waved Roman over while Logan went to reassure Patton that I was okay. Taking the jock’s hand in mine, I looked up into his eyes and chewed my lip nervously.

“Virgil?”

I held up a hand to keep him from saying anything else and then I spoke. I told him about my mother. About why I didn’t dance. About why it upset me that we were dancing. I started crying again. I really hate crying. When I had finished saying everything I could without my voice cracking I looked up at him and waited for the worst.

I waited for Roman to tell me I was being stupid. I waited for him to say that that was more baggage than he wanted to deal with. I waited for him to laugh at me. I waisted for him to say so what. I waited for the responses that didn’t come.

What I didn’t wait for was the look of pain in his eyes. I didn’t wait for the gentle kiss to my forehead. I didn’t wait for the warm, bone crushing embrace. I didn’t wait for the stream of apologies. I didn’t wait for the offer to take me home early. I didn’t wait for the promise to never ask me to another dance again. I didn’t wait for the “I love you far too much to ever put you through something like that again and I am so sorry I didn’t listen when you protested the first time.” I didn’t wait for these things because I didn’t expect them.

“We can go back into the dance if you want, Ro. They still haven’t crowned the king and queen yet.”

“That doesn’t matter. I wanted to come because I wanted to have a good time with you. I can’t have a good time with you if you’re not having a good time, Virgil. What kind of piece of crap boyfriend would I be if I didn’t care about your comfort?”

Boyfriend?

We were boyfriends. That’s got to know.

“Let’s go back in, Roman. As long as I’m not dancing I’ll have a good time. You could always dance with Patton if you really want to dance.”

“With Patton?”

“He loves to dance and Logan looked like he was gonna trip and break a leg on the dance floor with him. Give the nerd a break and make the fluff ball happy.”

Roman hesitated a moment, a slight frown on his face, but he nodded and smiled all the same. “If you’re alright with it.”

“I wouldn’t have suggested it if I wasn’t alright with it.”

We walked back into the gymnasium and Roman and Patton danced for a couple of songs while Logan and I made sure the wall stayed standing and blended in with the background, smiling as the other two teens enjoyed themselves. I even bobbed my head a bit while They danced to Dance Dance.


	16. A Christmas Carol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: a bit of dysphoria

“You’ve got this, Princey,” I mumbled under my breath as I typed the words in a text to my boyfriend. He was currently backstage freaking out. I wasn’t exactly sure why since, based on what I’d been told, he’d been acting since kindergarten. But, according to Remus, he was always like this before an opening night performance.

Ro🌟: Nope!!!! I Do Not Have This!!!!

Virge😈: Relax Roman

Virge😈: Breathe

Virge😈: You’ve got this

Virge😈: I have all the faith in the world that you will not fail at this

Ro🌟: Why Couldnt You Send That All In One Text????

Virge😈: Spamming you will keep your negative thoughts from being the first thing you see when you open the message window

Virge😈: I learned that from Pat

Ro🌟: Thank You My Chemically Imbalanced Romance!!!! Are We Still Going To Dinner After My Performance????

Virge😈: Hell yeah I’m starving

I shoved my mobile in my pocket and walked into the auditorium, taking my seat in the front row with Logan, Patton, Remus, and De.

“How’s he doing?” Patton bit his lip nervously.

“In his words ‘bitterly jittery and not quite glittery.’ I think I was able to calm him down a bit though. Told him he’d do perfect.”

“Why would you convey a falsehood to him?”

“It wasn’t a lie, Logan. The hell man?”

“You have no way of knowing that his performance will be perfect. He could make a mistake.”

“Even if he makes a mistake the fact that he tried his best will make it perfect.” Patton said, matter-of-factly.

“I’m just saying —“

“Logan? Shut your ever-flapping gobtalker.”

The younger teen shut his mouth and blushed slightly. Patton smirked proudly and gave him a tight hug. Their friendship is so much weirder than De and Remus’ relationship.

The lights dimmed and the curtains rose. We all fell silent and watched as the play began. Play was probably the wrong word for this performance. The drama club had decided to do the musical. I am not a fan of musicals. I had to admit that Roman’s singing voice was mesmerizing though.

“WHAT MUST I DO TO BE LEFT HERE IN PEACE? WHY WON’T THEY LEAVE ME ALONE?

HOW MUCH GOOD CHEER CAN ONE MAN ENDURE? LEAVE ME ALONE!

I WANT NO PART OF THEIR MISERABLE LIVES. I JUST WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE.

LEAVE ME ALONE

TO TEND TO MYSELF,

TO CARE FOR WHAT MATTERS TO ME, TO MIND MY OWN BUSINESS

AND FORGET ALL THE REST.

LEAVE ME ALONE!

INCESSANT CHATTER FOULING THE AIR,

WHY WON’T THEY LEAVE ME ALONE? CONSTANT DISTRACTIONS LEADING NOWHERE. LEAVE ME ALONE!

LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU CHILDREN WHO RUN,

YOU WRETCHED OLD HAGS AND INSOLENT YOUNG, YOU GENTRY AND PAUPERS,

YOU STRUMPETS AND WHORES.

YOU CLUTTER THE STREETS AS YOU PASS BY MY DOOR.”

It was kind of funny to hear the usually cheery and friendly teen being crotchety and mean. But, had I not known him as well as I did. Had this performance been my first time meeting him I would have thought that this was how he really was. His performance was so natural.

***

We stood outside the school and waited for Roman at the end of the performance. Patton tackled hugged the taller teen when he finally exited the building and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“You were amazing, kiddo!”

“Thanks, padre. But, could you loosen your grip some please? I rather enjoy breathing.” Patton chuckled and let him go. As soon as he did Roman walked over to me and kissed my cheek, causing me to blush. “Thank you for the words of encouragement, Virge. They meant a lot.”

“No need to thank me.”

Remus made gagging sounds and rolled his eyes, earning a chuckle from De. “I need to take these guys home. What time do you plan on coming home?”

“Virgil and I have a dinner date, but I shouldn’t be home any later than midnight,” Roman took my hand in his and laced our fingers together, causing my blush to deepen.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” Remus waved and walked off towards his van with the others. As they walked past I heard De tell him that the only thing he wouldn’t do on a date is kill someone.

Roman kissed my cheek again and led me to his car and opened the door for me. I got in and put on my seatbelt, smiling at him as he did the same. “You really were amazing up there, Ro.”

“Thanks.”

“So, where are we going for dinner?”

“There’s a restaurant just outside of town. They seem to have a nice selection of food. Figured we could go there. Then we could go to our spot and star gaze again.”

“You’re a real romantic. And you seriously love the out doors apparently,” I chuckled.

“I wouldn’t say I love the outdoors. Though that spot has seemed to be just a bit more enjoyable since I’ve started going with you.”

“Total romantic and total sap,” I teased.

***

Our date was going pretty well. The food at the restaurant was delicious and Roman had gotten us each a hot chocolate and a pastry to enjoy while we star gazed. Being the middle of winter it was a little chillier than usual. And neither of us had expected it to rain, which it had decided to do. So, we went back to Roman’s house. I sent a text to my dad letting him know so he wouldn’t be worried about me being out in the rain and catching a cold.

We opted for a mini movie marathon and curled up on Roman’s bed to watch some movies.

At some point we both ended up falling asleep. I know this because when I woke up Roman was spooning me with his hand on my stomach. I tensed a bit at the closeness, but began to relax when the taller teen nuzzled my hair and began singing a lullaby in his sleep.A soft smile found its way to my lips as I relaxed and started to fall back to sleep.

***

I woke up the next morning to find Roman sitting in the middle of the floor, going through a box of clothes. Yawning and stretching I climbed off the bed and draped myself over his shoulders. “Whatcha doin’?”

“Looking for something for you to wear.”

“I’m dressed,” I yawned. I really needed some caffeine in my system.

“You are dresses in clothes crinkled from sleep. And I doubt it would be good for you to continue to wear your binder.”

I cursed softly and moved off of him, tugging the front of my t-shirt to see that I had fallen asleep in my binder. Not good.

“Why couldn’t I have been born a guy,” I groaned.

“You were born a guy. Your body just didn’t get the memo.”

I glared at Roman and threw a pillow at his head. He chuckled and moved closer to me, kissing me full on the lips and stealing my breath. I painted softly when he pulled away, cheeks feeling like someone had lit them on fire.

“You are by far the handsomest man I have ever met, Virgil.”

I looked into those golden eyes and felt my heart do a somersault. How could he do this to me? Make me feel self conscious and totally confident all at once? Make every negative thought I’ve ever had about myself go completely silent, but also make me hyper aware of everything I’ve disliked about myself at the same time? He wasn’t even trying to do it. He saw what I hated about myself and he loved me even more. He was only one of three people that could quiet my demons, that had the power to save me when I was drowning. And he was the only one that could warm me when I felt like I was freezing to death.

Oh shit. Was I falling in love? Is this what falling in love feels like?

“I don’t know what’s going through your hearts right now, Virgil, but I want you to stop thinking about it. Focus on me. Focus on right now.”

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, my eyes focusing on his once more. I could drown in those golden pools he calls eyes and I would do so happily.

Roman’s hand gently caressed my cheek and he leaned in for a kiss part way, his eyes searched mine, asking for permission to continue. He hadn’t asked before. But that had never really been his style. He would always ask before kissing me or do like he was now, stopping halfway and waiting for the okay to continue. He was so caring and considerate. I closed my eyes and the gap between us, connecting our lips and sending a jolt of electricity the length of my spine. When he finally pulled away I was a breathless puddle of emo teen once again. Damn him for doing that to me.

“Now. We need to get you changed out of that and into something more presentable. You can use my bathroom. There’s a spare towel and washcloth in the cabinet in there. I know you prefer your darker colors. So, I’m going through Remus’ old clothes to find you something to wear. Might have to put you in one of my shirts though. He liked his tight shirts and I don’t want you feeling uncomfortable.”

I smiled and nodded. After giving him a quick kiss on the cheek I made my way to the bathroom to shower.

I heard the door open and a gentle knock while I rinsed soap from my body and all of my senses went on high alert. “It’s just me, love. I’m setting the clothes on the counter. My shirts are probably way too big for you so I grabbed on of Remus’ for you to wear underneath. Okay?”

I peaked my head around the shower curtain and smiled when I saw Roman backing into the bathroom and setting the clothes on the counter. “Yeah. That’s cool. Thanks.”

“No problem.” He walked out of the bathroom, not once turning to look to the shower. Not trying to peak at me. Not breaking my trust in him. Not violating my privacy any more than he had needed to to bring the clothes into the bathroom for me.

I finished my shower and dried off, slipping in the clothes Roman had lent me. I held his oversized, for me anyway, shirt in my hands and looked at my reflection in the mirror. When had my chest flattened out? My waist and hips were still quite feminine, but my chest wasn’t. Had it always been like this? Did I just not see it because of how much I felt like I didn’t belong in my body? Was it just Remus’ shirt adding enough pressure to help flatten it? Okay, that last one was probably a reach considering it’s about a size smaller than the shirts I normally wear and those are a size larger to hide my shape.

Folding Roman’s shirt I set it back on the counter then tied my hoodie around my waist before walking out of the bathroom with the still clean shirt in one hand and my dirty clothes in the other.

“Oh. The shirt wasn’t too tight.” Roman smiled, taking his shirt from me. “You look handsome as always.”

“Stop. I know I look like crap. No need to lie to me, Ro.” Hey look, my confidence ran and hid. Whaddup anxiety and dysphoria. Ugh!

“I’m not lying, Virgil. If my complimenting you bothers you I won’t do it as much. I’m sorry.”

“No. No it’s okay. I’m just not used to not wearing a binder and I had a bit of confidence and it kinda threw itself out the window,” I sighed.

“That’s okay,” he kissed my forehead and smiled lovingly at me. “It’s okay to have off days or moments. Just let me know when you do. I want to be there for you and help you through them.”

“O-okay.”

“I’m gonna take a quick shower and get changed. Then we can have breakfast before I take you home. Sound like a plan?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright then.”


	17. It’s Still Christmas... Even Without Snow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's just some general not niceness in this chapter. I'll try to sprinkle fluff between the not nice scenes. The fluff is a warning because someone went and "died" from a fluff overload last chapter. This is death free book gosh darn it. That goes for characters and readers (people dead before the book starts don't count).
> 
> Warnings: Self harm, panic attack, Remus, fluff, homophobia, transphobia

I woke up to a scared, teary-eyed Patton shaking me violently. I let out a soft groan and pushed his hands away. "What's wrong," I yawned. I was more concerned than I sounded, but conveying emotions when the sun is barely even up is a lot of work.

"It's Logan," he whispered, voice quivering.

"What's Logan?" I sat up in bed, careful not to wake Roman. Pushing my bangs out of my face, only to have them fall back into place, I swung my legs over the side of the bed and checked the clock. Three in the morning? What could possibly be wrong with anyone at three in the fucking morning?

Patton motioned for me to follow him and I quietly did so, immediately missing the warmth of my bed and the jock in it. Silently we made our was to the bathroom where I could hear my best friend crying.

Frowning I gently pushed open the door that was already cracked. "Lo?" The sight that met me when I looked in at my friend broke my heart.

Logan sat on the side of the tub, several thin red lines running across each of his arms, and tears running down his cheeks. His eyes weren't focused and he was hyperventilating. Thank goodness Patton came to get me.

I instructed my brother to go into Logan's room and get him a clean set of pajamas. While he did that I pulled out the first aid kit and set it on the floor beside Logan's left leg.

"Hey, Lo. It's Virgil. Are you okay?"

He shook his head no.

"Can you talk to me?"

Again he shook his head.

"Okay. That's okay. I'll do all the talking. What we need to do is clean and bandage your arms. Is it okay if I touch you?"

He nodded and I let out a relieved sigh. Kneeling in front of the younger teen I opened the first aid kit and began to gently clean his forearms, talking gently to him as I did so. Once all of the blood was cleaned up I gently bandaged each arm.

"Patton went to get you some clean clothes. While he's doing that can you try breathing with me? You've stopped hyperventilating, but your breathing still isn't calm. We don't wanna get sick or pass out. So, can you breathe with me, Lo?" I took one of his hands in mine and gently placed it to my chest, taking deep slow breaths. Logan tried to follow, but couldn't. We tried a couple more times with no success and Logan started getting worked up again.

"It's okay, Logan. It's okay."

Patton came in with the pajamas, his face red. Obviously from rubbing at his tears. We helped Logan get out of his bloodied pajamas and into the clean pair. While Patton put the dirty clothing in the wash I led Logan back to his room.

By this time Roman had woken up and was drowsily making his way towards us. "Wha's goin' on?" He mumbled. He woke up fully once he saw Logan. "Is he okay?"

"Yeah. I think it's just a panic attack. Go back to bed. I'll be there when I've got him calmed down."

Roman ignored me and moved closer to Logan. "Is it okay if I pick you up? Virge is kinda short and you don't look like you feel to well. I wanna make sure you make it to your room okay."

I glared at my boyfriend. Logan nodded his head slightly and the other boy picked him up and carried him to his room, with me following close behind. After setting Logan in his bed, Roman turned to me and placed a gentle kiss in my forehead before leaving the room.

I climbed on the bed with Logan and spooned him, holding him close to me. I focused on matching my heart rate and breathing to his then slowly and calmly talked us both down to a calm heart rate and breathing rhythm. Once the other boy was calmed down I let go of him and he turned to face me.

"Thank you, Virgil. I'm sorry about what just happened."

"No need to apologize. Do you wanna talk about it?"

"I couldn't sleep. My mind was all over the place. I started feeling panicky. I... I thought that if I just made one little cut I could quiet my mind. But one turned to two. Then three. Then four. And before I realized what was going on Patton was taking the scissors from me and was crying. Oh goodness. Patton. Is he okay?" Logan moved to get up and I gently pushed him back on to the bed.

"Pat will be okay. He's got me for a brother, remember? I'll go check on him now that you're calm," I got off the bed and made my way to the door. Pausing in the door frame I looked over at my friend. "Next time your mind starts going like that I want you to come get me, Logan."

"You were asleep, Virgil."

"I don't care."

"Very well."

"Thank you. Now try and get some sleep." I left his bedroom door open, afraid that if I closed it he would be take it to mean he couldn't come to us, and made my way to Patton's room. I entered without knocking and found my brother curled up against De, crying. Remus sat on the bed beside them and gently rubbed his back.

"You guys mind if I talk to Patton alone for a minute?"

The two nodded and carefully moved away from my brother before stepping out of the room and closing the door behind them. I sat with Patton for a good ten to twenty minutes and calmed him down, explaining that Logan was okay and that if he wanted he could talk to him in a couple of hours to see how he was doing and what was going on.

Once I calmed my brother I went back into my room and climbed back in bed. It was four in the morning. I knew from the times I’d stayed the night at Roman’s house that the other often got up with the sun. I was not looking forward to that wake up.

***

I woke up to the sound of laughing and the smell of strawberry banana white chocolate muffins. Rubbing my eyes I grabbed my clock off my nightstand and checked the time.

Nine? The hell? I’d gotten five more hours of sleep? Sweet. Wait.

I threw the covers off my head, wincing as my pupils constructed to protect my retina from the sudden shift in light. Once my eyes had adjusted I got out of bed and pulled on my hoodie, making my way downstairs.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” Roman called in a sing-song voice as I made my way into the kitchen. I flipped him off and he made an offended sound.

“Why didn’t anyone wake me up? I wanted to open presents with you guys,” I yawned, hopping up on the counter.

“I insisted we allow you to sleep after lasts night’s... incident. Patton gave strict instructions that no one was to open any gifts until you woke up and had breakfast,” I watched Logan adjust his glasses and avoid looking at me.

Was my bed head THAT bad?

Patton handed me a muffin and a cup of coffee. I took a sip of the warm caffeinated ambrosia and smiled. He’d added hot chocolate and pecan caramel creamer to it. I’d be perkier than Princey in about five minutes and be that way until around midnight. This combination gave me life. It also gave my anxiety life so I made a mental note to take one of my anti-anxiety pills after breakfast so I didn’t worry my brother. Or anyone else for that matter.

“Where’s dad?”

“He got called in. So, it’s just us today.”

I frowned and poured slightly, nodding my head. I guess it couldn’t be helped. “What’s the plan for today,” I took a bite out of my muffin and looked around at the others expectantly.

“We exchange gifts here. Then head to De’s for lunch and to spend time with his parents, per his mother’s request.”

“She absolutely loves all of you and my dad wants to meet you guys. I should warn everyone my grandparents are in town so it will be a lovely time.”

There was a groan from Roman, Logan, and Remus. Patton and I looked at them all in confusion.

“De’s family is Catholic. De’s grandparents are the bad kind of Catholic.”

“There’s a bad kind?”

“Yes, Patton. They umm... they continuously chastise De for their relationship with Remus. They will most likely criticize Roman and Virgil for their relationship.”

I gave Roman a worried look. He walked over and kissed my temple. “That’s why we’re doing lunch this year. The last time we went for dinner while they were in town Remus was less than pleasant.”

“They pissed me off.”

“You compared my grandfather to Jeffrey Dahmer.”

“They’re both attractive, charismatic men who are complete fucking sociopaths.”

There was a collective groan in the room.

“Anyway. After the lunch from hell we’re gonna head to Orlando to visit Sandy and drop off her Christmas gift.”

“Yay! I love your cousin!” Patton jumped up and down and clapped his hands.

“I thought she was just a friend of yours, Ro.”

“She’s a family friend. Her parents were friends with mum and she’s like an aunt to Sandy. So Sandy is like a cousin to us.”

“Oh. Cool.”

“After we drop off her gift, if she isn’t scheduled to work we will kidnap my dear cousin and bring her back to my place with us for dinner.”

“You guys keep pretty busy in Christmas. You do this every year?”

“Since we were in diapers. Though Sandra has only just been added in a couple of years ago when she moved out here.”

I nodded my head then looked at my brother with concern when I heard him sniffle. “Pat? You okay?”

“You kiddos just met us a few months back and already include us in your family plans? That’s so sweet and precious and wonderful and kind. You’re all just so amazing and wonderful and just precious little cinnamon buns that are too amazing for this world.”

“Patton, you said amazing twice. And we are not pastries.”

“Logan. Just smile and nod. He’s got a lot of love to give and you guys are just giving him all warm happy feelings right now.”

Logan frowned in confusion, but did as he was told.

After breakfast we made our way to the living room to open up gifts. While Patton dug under the tree for the gifts he’d made everyone I looked outside the window and sighed heavily.

“Penny for your thoughts,” Roman sat beside me and gently rubbed my shoulder.

“Nothing,” I shook my head and chuckled. “Just think it’s funny how most of my life has been spent having Christmas places that don’t have snow and here I am still wishing to see it again.” I felt Roman place a kiss just behind my ear and I blushed.

“Next year,” he whispered in my ear before turning his attention to Patton and thanking him for his gift.

I gave him a confused look, but didn’t ask what he meant as I was handed my gift and thanked my brother. Patton had made each of us a sweater, that explained why he wasn’t getting much sleep and had been held up in his room so much.

Putting my sweater on I stretched out my arms to get a look at it on myself, “this is pretty chill.”

“Really? I’d say mine was rather toasty,” Patton and Logan said at the same time, causing my brother’s face to light up.

“Dad joke!”

“Never. Intentionally,” Logan blushed.

“Yeah. Okay,” Patton chuckled.

Logan grabbed the gifts he’d gotten eat of us. I gift card for ebooks for me. A cat sweater for Patton, which I’m sure would replace his usual grey cardigan in his everyday attire. For Roman he got a new scabbard for his katana, apparently he broke the last one when he chose to beat Remus with it instead of just taking his entire face off with the sword itself. He bought De a book on serial killers, like he really needed it. De got a gift card to a pet store to purchase whatever he wanted or needed for his pet snakes.

De bought Patton a dictionary. He got Remus some more deodorant, but made him promise to stop eating it. He gave Roman a copy of his mother’s recipe for spaghetti. And he bought me black eyeshadow, it was actually darker than the stuff I preset have.

Roman wrote Logan a Sherlock Holmes fan fiction. He got Patton a stuffed cat. He gave Remus some mustache wax. For De he bought a new bowler hat. And he got me a new pair of headphones. I gave him a confused look. “They’re noise cancelling. I know you get annoyed when there are too many sounds while you’re trying to study. You can focus on your work and your music and block out the rest of the world this way.”

“Thanks, Ro.”

It was my turn to give everyone a gift. For Patton I did a small painting with all of us in a Tim Burton style. I gave Logan a stack of flash cards with some common slang words and phrases that always seemed to go over his head. I put together a care kit for De’s guitar. For Remus I bought a set of drumsticks and carved tentacles into them and stained them green.I made Roman a hoodie that was like mine, but more suited to his aesthetic. I figured he could use it when it was too chilly to go without a jacket, but too warm to wear a coat.

Yeah, I know. My gifts were lame.

Lastly it was Remus’ turn to give us our gifts and we were all admittedly a bit scared about what he would get us. He gave Roman his gift first. It was a a stick of pickle poo log deodorant. He got De a copy of the karma sutra. I could’ve gone my entire life without seeing De open that gift. For Logan he bought a book on psychological disorders. The bastard bought Patton a pop-up book of phobias. And he got me a pet tarantula. Which immediately sent Patton screaming into the other room.

“I’m putting it in my room now, Pat. Don’t worry,” I called after my brother as I made my way up to my room with the small terrarium.

We all hung out for a bit before getting dressed for the day. We decided to wear the sweaters Patton had made for us.

As I was putting my sweater back on I noticed Roman watching me. “What?”

“Sorry,” he blushed and looked away from me, pulling his own sweater on.

“What, Roman?”

“I was just thinking about how lucky I was to have you as a boyfriend.”

My face immediately turned bright red

Once we were all dressed we piled into Remus’ van, yes I willingly got in that hunk of metal, and drove to De’s house.

We arrived at around two in the afternoon. De opened the door and announced our arrival.

“Hi, boys!” His mom was just as perky as she was on Thanksgiving. She dragged a man wearing glasses over and pushed him in front of us. “Jack, these are De’s new friends, Patton and Virgil. Patton, Virgil, this is my husband Jack.”

“Nice to meet you, sir,” Patton and I greeted, my brother’s voice chipper and perky, my own monotone and reserved. What can I say, I get nervous around new people.

“It’s nice to meet you boys,” he smiled at us, but his smile didn’t last last long. He looked to his wife with a concerned look on his face. “My parents are gonna flip,” he groaned. Quickly he turned to us and gave an apologetic smile and opened his mouth to speak.

De held up a hand and cut him off. “Logan already warned them about your parents, dad.”

“Oh. I should warn you they want to talk with you, De.”

“Me? Why?”

“Jay was talking to me about your band and used female pronouns,” his mother winced.

“Oh fun,” De sighed heavily and went to find his grandparents, Remus following him like a bodyguard. Or attack rat. Really it depends on how you look at the image.

“So, what’s for lunch?” Roman attempted to clear the tension in Th e air, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze.

“Spaghetti,” Mrs Pettus said cheerily. The look on my boyfriend’s face spoke volumes about how much he must love this woman’s pasta. I’m fairly certain that if she wasn’t married and he wasn’t dating me he would probably have married her just for her spaghetti. “Do you want to help set the table?”

“Gladly,” Roman went to help, Mrs Pettus set the table, dragging me along since he still hadn’t let go of my hand. As we made our way to the dining room I could hear De being chastised. Since I didn’t hear Remus’ mouth I could only assume he was being forced to keep it shut by his boyfriend.

Once we were done setting the table, Mrs Pettus sent me to tell everyone that lunch was ready. Why me?

“Who are you?” A crotchety looking old man eyes me suspiciously as I walked into the living room.

“Uhh... I’m Virgil Novas. I’m a friend of De and Remy,” I mentally cursed my voice for rising an octave and cracking in my nervous state. “De, your mom asked me to tell everyone lunch is ready.” I subconsciously wrapped my arms around myself, trying to hide as much of my body as possible, despite the fact that Patton had made my sweater kinda big anyway so there really wasn’t any part of me I could hide.

“Remus, go sit at the table and keep your mouth shut,” De kept his eyes on me as he spoke. I could see Remus open his mouth to protest, but a quick glance from De quickly shut him up. As he walked past me he grabbed my hand and gentle squeeze, relaxing me a tiny bit. “It’s okay, Virgil. They’re all bark and no bite. Just a pair of bitter old loons,” De said, not taking his eyes off of me.

I glanced from him to the angry old couple and then back to my friend and swallowed hard, giving a slight nod of my head. I still couldn’t move, too terrified that this elderly couple would bite my head off or burn me at the stake if they knew the truth.

I must have spaced out because before I knew it De was holding my hand and leading me back towards the dining room. “They’ll be in in a moment. They’re licking their wounds,” he said coldly, leading me to a seat beside Roman and patting the top of my head.

“Virgil, are you okay, dear?”

I nodded timidly, shrinking into my seat a bit when I watched Dr Pettus’ parents walk in and take their seats.

“Virgil gets a bit nervous around new people and when there’s tension,” Roman said, giving me a side hug and kissing the top of my head.

Yes, Roman. That’s a wonderful idea. Explain my anxiety and then proceed to create more tension with the angry old bigots in the room.

“I’m sorry. Had I known I would’ve sent Roman instead.”

“It’s alright, Mrs Pettus.” My voice cracked again. Dammit!

We all ate a quiet, awkward lunch. De held Remus’ hand throughout the entire meal. An outsider looking in would’ve seen it as a show of affection and defiance against bigoted family members. The rest of us knew what it really was though. It was their way of keeping a leash on their boyfriend. We saw the minute movements of De’s hand whenever Remus opened his mouth, and the slight wince on the teen’s face as he closed his mouth once again. I’d find out later that it was a mutually agreed upon way of De keeping Remus from saying something that would escalate a situation.

Patton and Remus helped Mrs Pettus clean up after lunch. Leaving the rest of us to have to deal with Dr Pettus’ parents while simultaneously trying not to make the doctor feel bad for having such unreasonable family members. From what I had been told about the doctor and what I observed he was nothing like his parents. He was more concerned with our comfort than he was with their discomfort about us not being heteronormative or cisgender. Whenever they tried to argue or bring up some bigoted bull shit he shut it down and changed the subject. That’s how we learned that Jay flunked his last semester at college and was going to take the next semester off so he could work through some things. His grandparents weren’t pleased, but his mom and dad were glad he was doing what he felt was best for him.

After about an hour of killing any hopes the elderly couple had of embarrassing either of their grandsons in front of their friends we left. Though, not before Mrs Pettus gave each of us a hug, a tin of biscuits (cookies), and a gift card that she and Dr Pettus had gotten for each of us since they didn’t know what we all wanted for Christmas.

We drove in silence up to Orlando. At least I think it was silence. I was wearing the headphones Roman had gotten me and had fallen asleep on the way.

Roman woke me up when we arrived at Sandy’s house. We went inside and were immediately given more cookies. Dentists must either really hate or really love the holidays because of how many sweets people give and consume. Roman gave Sandy and her mom their gifts. I was still half asleep so I didn’t get a good look at them. Then we all got back in the van, this time with Sandy, and drove to Roman and Remus’ house.

When we arrived there was squealing as Minerva, Juno, and Sandy excitedly greeted each other. At some point Juno pulled me into a hug. I could now see where Roman for being super affectionate from. We all sat in the living room and drank warm apple cider and munched on cookies while Minerva finished up dinner, Patton insisted on helping and she could only refuse him twice before he turned in the puppy eyes and she caved like a sinkhole in the middle of a traffic jam.

As we sat down to dinner I realized that, despite the lack of snow and De’s evil grandparents and my dad being called into work, this was probably one of the best Christmases I’ve had in three years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started writing this chapter at like 1 in the morning and fell asleep in the middle of it. Sorry if the ending feels weird, but that’s why. I fell asleep and lost my train of thought.


	18. January

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mention of panic attacks, self harm, SI, bullying

1

New Year went by without a hitch. My dad's job had a party and we were able to talk him into letting Dark Sides play. Roman tagged along and so did Sunniva. We all had a pretty good time and at midnight Roman and I shared a kiss.

I never thought the taller teen to be superstitious, I'm not sure why, but he told me that since we kissed at midnight it meant I was stuck with him for life. I laughed and went back to playing with the band. Remus and De shared a kiss as well, of course.

***

2

Patton finally asked Sunniva out on a date. I have to admit I was surprised she didn't ask him. When I asked about it he said that it was obvious she was crushing, but was just to shy to say anything. Leave it to Patton to be observant of someone else's feelings.

***

3

De and Remus broke up. According to Roman this happens about once every school year. He assured me that they'd be back together before Valentine's Day. He knew them better than I did so I took his word on it.

***

4

Logan and I were hanging out in my room after school when De kicked my door open, luckily it wasn't closed all the way.

"I said knock! Not break my house, De!" My dad yelled from the bottom of the stairs.

"Sorry!" De yelled over his shoulder before fixing Logan with a serious look. "You."

"Me?"

"I forgot your Christmas gift. Here, nerd," he dropped a large package beside the younger teen and then plopped down on my bed as we were both sitting on the floor.

Logan blinked and looked from the package, which had made a rather loud thud when it landed, and then to De before picking it up and opening it. "You did not need to get me a gift De. I understand that our friendship is just a coincidence due to us being in a band together."

"A law book?" I looked from the book Logan had unwrapped to De and back again.

"De...thank you. This gift is quite satisfactory."

"Glad you like it. And don't think that I'm just your friend because of the band, Logan. We were friends before the band. Even if we didn't or don't talk much I still consider you a friend," getting up off my bed De ruffled Logan's hair and then lightly drummed his fingers in my head. "De you losers later. I've got a rat to deal with," he left my room and yelled bye to my dad before I heard the front door open and shut.

"A rat to deal with?" I raised an eyebrow and looked at Logan.

"Yes. De and Remus use animals as code names for all of us. Remus is a rat. You are a cat. De is a snake. Roman is a Dragon. I am an owl. And Patton is a puppy."

"Oh. Wait. Why am I a cat?"

"I have absolutely no idea," Logan shrugged. "What were we talking about?"

"We were going over how you wanted to deal with debate team next week."

"Right."

***

5

I ran out of the classroom and down the hall to the nurse's office. Carter had cornered Logan in tone of the halls and sent the younger teen into a panic attack. When he was calmed down a bit he sent me a text. I didn't even bother asking for permission to leave the classroom before jumping out of my seat and bolting.

When I got to the nurse's office Logan was sitting on a bed in the corner crying. It killed me to see him like that. The usually stoic kid reduced to sniffling and tears. I sat on the bed with Logan and pulled him into my arms. Gently rocking him I rubbed small circles into his back.

We both walked to class, when the nurse was satisfied that Logan was calm enough, and apologized to the teacher before going to our next class.

After that I started walking Logan to class everyday.

***

15

“Logan! Logan, open the door and talk to me! Please!” Patton was out on a date with Sunniva. My dad was working late. Logan, Roman, and I had decided to hang out at my house.

“Virgil, watch out. I’m gonna break the door down,” Roman looked determinedly at the bathroom door.

“STOP!”

We both froze and stared at the bathroom door. I can’t speak for Roman, but I was fairly certain I was having a heart attack. The door slowly opened and Logan stared at us with tear stained cheeks. Without thinking I launched myself at him and hugged him tightly.

“I can assure you both that I am perfectly fine.”

“You scared the shit out of us, Logan. What happened?”

“I was having an anxiety attack. I received a less than satisfactory grade on my history report,” he had wrapped his arms around me and was rubbing small circles into my back as he spoke.

“I told you to talk to me when something is wrong, calculator watch,” I sobbed against his chest.

“I know, Virgil. And I apologize. Just sometimes I need to deal with things on my own. I promise you, I have not done anything I would regret.” I sniffles and nodded my head, still clinging to my friend.

I felt Logan go tense and then Roman’s footsteps retreat. Letting go of the younger teen I looked after my boyfriend. “Roman?” The front door slammed in response and Logan and I flinched.

“You should go after him, Virgil.”

I hesitated, only moving when Logan assures me that he would be okay.

Running down the stairs and out the front door I cursed when I saw that Roman’s car was gone. I took a few deep breaths to calm my racing heart and pulled out my mobile to call the jock.

“What?”

“Roman, it’s Virgil. What’s going on? Why’d you leave?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Please, Roman.”

“What are you and Logan?”

“What?”

“What is your relationship with Logan?”

“He’s my best friend and my band mate. And we’re both on the debate team. Why?”

“Virgil...”

“There is nothing going on between meand Logan, Ro. You’re my boyfriend. My only boyfriend. I swear.”

“I don’t know, Virgil.”

“I was scared, Roman! Logan has had a lot of really bad anxiety attacks and I may have been projecting some stupid shit I’ve done during anxiety attacks on him and thinking the worst. I love you, Roman. I wouldn’t do anything to mess up our relationship. I promise. Please.”

“What stupid shit, Virgil?” His voice sounded concerned. I didn’t want to tell him. I didn’t want him to do what Patton and dad had finally stopped doing. I didn’t want to be treated like I would break. “Virgil?”

I had to tell him though. I opened my mouth to speak, but before I could say anything my phone was pulled out of my hand. I turned to see Logan holding the device.

“Virgil was afraid I would start cutting again, Roman. I think you should return so that we can all sit down and discuss this in person.” There was a moment of silence before Logan spoke again. “Affirmative.” He ended the call and handed me back my phone.

“Why, Logan?”

“I do not want what is going on with me to mess up your relationship, Virgil. Roman makes you happy. What kind of friend would I be if I willingly ruined that?”

“Is he coming back?”

“Yes,” he led me into the house and we went into the kitchen and each had a cup of hot chocolate while we waited for Roman to return.

***

31

Roman sat on my bed playing with my hair while Logan quizzed us for our chemistry test. When he came back two weeks ago the three of us sat around the kitchen table and discussed my mental health and the real reason Logan was staying with my family. We even discussed that although the emancipation process went without a hitch my dad had insisted that Logan stay with us so he could focus on his studies. Patton still didn’t know and we wanted to keep it that way. Roman agreed not to tell anyone about what was going on with Logan and we thanked him.

He did treat me like I would break at any moment for the first week after our talk. I’m not sure how many times I promised him that I haven’t had an SI moment in months before he finally let up.

“I think you are both prepared for the quiz,” Logan adjusted his glasses as he spoke.

“Thanks, teach,” Roman teased.

I stretched and sat up, running a hand through my hair. “I’m still gonna study some more.”

“Studying more may have an adverse result on your ability to do adequately on the quiz, Virgil.”

“Yeah. How about we take a break and watch some anime.” I made a face, grimacing slightly. “We’re talking toons, Dr Gloom!”

“Yeah. I know. And normally I’d be down for it, but...”

“But there is a quiz approaching and your anxiety is elevated.”

“No.”

“You’d rather make out?”

“No!” My face was bright red, and I didn’t have to look at Logan to know his was too. Honestly, I thought Remus was the only perv in that family.

“Then what is it?”

“I applied for university and I have an interview after school and I wanna keep my mind off of it because I’m afraid I’m gonna somehow screw it up.”

“That’s wonderful, Virgil! Not the fear of messing up, but that you are going to peruse a post-secondary education. Have you decided on an area of study?”

Roman wrapped an arm around my shoulders and kissed the side of my head. “I umm... I’m gonna go for psychology.”

“You would make a wonderful therapist or psychiatrist, Virge.”

“Thanks.”

“The three of us definitely need to relax and watch cartoons now! That will definitely keep your mind off of the interview.”

“You two go ahead. Patton asked me to meet with him and Sunniva when we were done studying,” Logan pat my shoulder then headed out of my room and left the house.


	19. Bloody Valentine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is a reference to a Good Charlotte song (same title) and like 4 Valentine themed horror movies (Valentine (2001), My Bloody Valentine (1981), My Bloody Valentine (2009), and Valentine DayZ (2018)). While there will be no blood in this chapter there will be mention of the song (which is a bit macabre) and the movies. And this will probably be a short chapter because ya boi knows squat about romance and/or what people do on Valentine’s Day besides eat chocolate.

“You want to watch horror films? On this holiday that is dedicated to all things love related?”

I didn’t have to see Roman’s face to tell that he was, for lack of a better word, mortified at my suggestion. I couldn’t blame him really. Who in their right mind suggests horror films for a date night? On Valentine’s Day.

I never claimed to be in my right mind.

“They’re Valentine’s Day themed horror films, Roman. And they’re kinda romantic,” I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. “I’m just not big on the whole romantic movie thing. They’re usually completely and totally unrealistic. It’s... depressing.”

Roman wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close, kissing the top of my head. “Lucky for you I love you so much,” he pulled out his phone and opened up his iTunes app and showed me the purchase history.I snatched the device out of his hands and stared at it with wide eyes.

“You rented them? And Valentine DayZ?”

“No,” he plucked the phone out of my hand andlocked it before placing it back in my pocket. “I bought them. After school we’re going to my house and having a horror movie marathon.”

I wasn’t big on the whole extreme expressions of emotion in public thing, but I made an exception and tackle hugged my boyfriend. “Thank you, Princey. Tomorrow we can watch ALL of the Disney movies.”

“All of them?”

“Well, all of the movies we can fit into a 24 hour period. With breaks for food and the bathroom.”

“And making out,” he waggled his eyebrows at me and I turned into a tomato. That only made him chuckle.

“Jerk,” I teased, pushing away and lightly punching him in the arm.

“You love me. I’ll see you in History,” he kissed my forehead before leaving me at the door to my home room class and heading to his own.

I waited by the door to the classroom for Patton and Logan. They had gone to the library so Logan could help my brother with his science homework before home room. That was the only reason I didn’t walk to class with the younger teen. I saw them walking over to the classroom with De and Remus and relaxed a bit. I knew that if need be Patton could hold his own in a fight, there was a kid in Ireland with three missing permanent teeth to prove that one. But, I still worried about him. I didn’t put it past Carter to have his cronies help him beat up someone who went up against him.

We walked into the classroom and took our seats, Remy was at his desk... napping. Once the late bell rang he woke up and took attendance.

***

“Oh goodness! Oh no! What in the name of Zeus?!” Roman stared mortified at the television. We were watching the 1981’s My Bloody Valentine. Had I known he would be this squeamish I would not have suggested horror films.

“We can watch something else if you want.”

“I do not want. I wanna see if they catch this fiend,” the mortified look on his face changed to one of determination and I couldn’t help, but chuckle.

We cuddled close and finished watching the movie. When it was over Roman got up and stretched.

“Be right back,” he left his room and I popped on my headphones and began listening to music.

Oh my love

Please don’t cry

I washed my bloody hands and we’ll start a new life

I closed my eyes while listening to Good Charlotte sing about homicide and unrequited love.

I felt a tap on my shoulder and jumped about a foot in the air and screamed. When I looked to see who had scared the hell outta me I saw Roman holding a bowl of popcorn and laughing his ass off. I pulled off my headphones and glared at him half heartedly.

“You nearly gave me a heart attack, Roman! I could’ve died!”

“I...I called your name like... like four times,” he gasped out between laughs. “Movies too scary?”

“No. I just don’t like being startled,” I puffed out my cheeks and sat cross legged on the bed. I watched as Roman walked around to the other side and sat beside me before starting the next movie, 2001’s Valentine.

We didn’t really make it through the movie, finding something more interesting to do.

Not that!

We ended making out.

That was all.

Seriously.

So, anyway, we made out for like the duration of the movie and then we ate pizza and watched the other two movies before calling it a night.


	20. March: Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5 more chapters to go. Then I'll get back to work on Apocalyptic Morality. This chapter will be formatted the same as January was.
> 
> Warning: Mention of hospital, anxiety, seizures, and self harm. Also, Remus.

1

"Run!"

I hated that word with a passion. I especially hated it when it was yelled. Especially when yelled with the level of fear that was in De's voice.

"Fuck!" I flopped back against the couch as the words 'Game Over' flashed across the screen.

"Dude! I told you to run!"

"Stop yelling, De. You're gonna blow out my headset," I grumbled, clicking the button to let the game know I wanted to continue.

"Do you two even know how to play?"

"Shut up, Roman," we both yelled into our microphones.

We were playing some stupid zombie game and had decided to all play together. We figured our chances of survival would be increased by playing together, but that was not the case.

De was probably the most experience out of all of us when it came to video games. Then came me. Roman didn't really play any games, but had wanted to play with us so we let him. So far he had died the least out of the three of us.

"I'm gonna go grab something to eat," I left my game and took off my headphones before making my way to the kitchen. As I entered the room I ground slightly as I felt what could only be described as the sound of a computer shutting down. You know, the tone windows makes when you shut down your computer? Yeah. I felt like that sound. As soon as that feeling hit me everything went dark.

I woke up a bit later on my bed. The hell happened? I went to sit up, but felt someone place a hand to my chest.

"Don't move, love."

Letting out a soft groan I forced my eyes to focus on the owner of the voice. Light brown hair, olive skin, auburn eyes... Roman. Roman? The hell was he doing here? "What happened?"

"You told me and De you were gonna get a snack, but you never returned."

"Dude. That was like two minutes ago? What's you do, break the laws of physics to get here?"

"That was two hours ago, Virgil," Logan's voice came from the door as he walked into my room.

Two hours?

"Patton and I found you unconscious on the kitchen floor. What's the last thing you remember?"

"Umm... saying I was gonna get a snack and then like the feeling of the windows shut down sound." That explanation earned me a couple of odd looks. I sighed heavily and tried to explain it to them. "Like how the sound descends in tone while a computer shuts down. Like that. It felt like someone just his shut down on my brain."

Logan frowned and Roman looked at me with concern.

"I'm not going crazy."

"You have a history of migraines, correct?"

"Yeah. So?"

"Have you ever had syncope before?"

I gave him a confused look, "English please?"

"Have you fainted before?"

"Not that I remember."

"Seizures?"

"I was told that after ten years of migraines I had an increased risk of them." Logan nodded.

"I think you should see your neurologist, Virgil."

"Nope. I'm good."

"Virgil."

I looked over at Roman to see pleading eyes looking back at me. I sighed heavily and hugged myself. "I can't," I murmured.

"Why not? Virgil. If you have a problem you need to talk to a specialist." Logan stated.

"Because I'm afraid. I'd rather not know. When we left Arizona I lied to my dad about not getting a call back for my results when they tested me for seizures. When we were in the accident I promised the doctor I'd see a neurologist, but I didn't. Because I was scared. I don't want to know."

***

3

“Virgil, you need to make an appointment,” Roman took a bite of his sandwich and frowned.

“If I make an appointment will you shut about me needing to make an appointment?” I slammed my sandwich down on my tray and glared at my boyfriend.

“Yes,” he thought for a moment before adding, “unless you miss the appointment.”

I sighed heavily and nodded my head in defeat, “I’ll call my neurologist after school and schedule an appointment. Okay?”

Roman pulled me into a tight hug and kissed the side of my head. “Thank you, Virge.”

Pushing the taller teen away I rolled my eyes. I really didn’t want to see the neurologist or find out what was going on. I hadn’t passed out since Saturday. I saw no reason in going. But, since it would put Roman and the others at ease I really had no choice in the matter. Damn me and my need to think of others.

***

5

“Fuck off, Carter! No one has time to deal with your fucking bull shit,” I growled at the bully as Logan and I walked down the hall to the student government meeting being held in the other side of the school. It was the end of the day and Roman wasn’t able to stay after for the meeting so, I walked with the student body president to the meeting.

It being the end of the day I honestly saw no reason for the former jock to be in the building and harassing us.Letting out an annoyed groan I glared at the taller teen as he stood in front of Logan and I again, blocking our way.

“Look. You constantly picking on us can only mean one of like four things. You’re gay and are attracted to one of us and are too emotionally stunted to express your attraction in a healthy manner. You’re gay and are in the closet because your dad will probably kick your ass and so you take it out on those smaller and weaker than you because you can’t just throat punch your old man. You realize that this is the prime of your miserable existence and it’s filling you with dread and you want someone else to be as miserable as you. Or, your home life sucks and so you just want to make those who have some sort of superiority over you feel just as shitty and helpless as you do. Logan and I clearly representing intellectual superiors. Roman representing a physical, social, and moral superior whom you really can’t threaten so you take it out on me now. And Patton representing someone who is morally superior to you.”

The bully stared at me as if he was completely confused by the words that had been said to him. I could feel Logan staring at me as well, though I caught a look of pride on his face as he watched me. Inside I was freaking out. Why the hell was I talking to a guy that was like twice my size and looked like he ate thinks like me for breakfast? Seriously, Carter looked like he could bench press me with one hand. What was I thinking?!

“Can we leave now? Or do we have to wait for your last two brain cells to form a synapse?”

Virgil! Just shut the fuck up before you get yourself killed!!!!!

Carter still didn’t move. Logan grabbed my arm and led me around the stunned jerk and towards the meeting room. Once indicted I collapsed against the wall and slid down to the floor.

“Breathe, Virgil. Just breathe,” Logan’s voice was gentle yet firm and reassuring. “You were quite impressive back there. I’m sure you gave him quite a bit to think about.”

I nodded my head numbly and just sat there quietly. When the rest of the student council arrived I moved to sit in the back of the classroom.

***

7

I was sitting in the waiting room at my neurologist’s office with Roman. He had agreed to go with me to my appointment after school. It meant a lot to me since I was freaking out.

When I was called back into the office I spoke with the doctor about my migraines and the fainting, as well as the concussion from the car accident. He chastised me about not wearing my seatbelt and told me I was lucky to still be alive. Then came the question I always hated when talking to a new doctor.

“It says here you take testosterone. Why is that?”

“B-because I’m trans,” I mumbled, staring down at the ground. I felt Roman gently squeeze my hand and I gave his hand a small squeeze in return.

“Alright. Well, we’re gonna have to do some tests. I want to get an MRI and do an EEG. Just to rule out anything else. Depending on what they show we may do another, longer EEG which will require you to stay on site and be recorded.”

I looked at the doctor shocked, but nodded my head. Had he heard me? I told him I was trans. He didn’t react though. He acted like I hadn’t said anything at all.

“If he has to stay can I stay with him?” Roman asked.

“I’m afraid not. He’ll be able to keep his phone on him though so you can still talk. Until we get the tests scheduled I’m gonna write you a prescription for Gabapentin. It’s an anti-seizure medication, but we’ve seen great results in people with migraines who use it as well. Start with one pill at bedtime for a week, then go up to two. If you’re still getting migraines after another week I want you to go up to three pills. That will be 300mg. Alright? It’ll make you very drowsy, so it’s important that you only take it at night,” he wrote out the prescription and handed me the slip of paper.

“Uhh... thanks, doc,” I took the prescription and folded it, placing it in my hoodie pocket.

“No problem. Any questions?”

Did you hear me when I said I was trans? Is that gonna be a problem in your treating me? Are you only being cool because my boyfriend is here? “Nope. No questions.”

“Alright. I’ll have the receptionist call when we have a date scheduled for your MRI and your EEG. Take care,” and he left the room. Just like that.

Once we were in Roman’s car I voiced all of my concerns and had a mini freak out. Like I always do when coming out to someone.

“Be glad it’s only healthcare professionals you have to come out to. Everyone else can suck a bit and mind their own damn business,” Roman glances at me and gave me a small smile. Oddly enough that helped me relax a bit. He was right. The only people that needed to know were me and my health care team. No one else needed to know.

***

10

“I heard you and Roman yesterday, Virgil,” Remus sat beside me at lunch and chuckled. My face turned bright red and I looked over at my boyfriend’s twin brother.

“We were just making out.”

“Suuuure you were. And Logan sleeps with teachers to get all those A’s.”

“FALSEHOOD!!!”

The entire lunchroom went quiet and stared at the nerd for all of like three seconds before going back to their own conversations.The boy across from me blushed bright red and hid behind the book he was reading.

“Where is your handler, Remus?”

“De has second lunch. You know that.”

“Where is your brother then?!”

“Why? Wanna “make out” some more? Can’t wait until after school? Or the weekend?”

“Remus, I swear to Odin I will throat punch your ass if you don’t stop.”

The other just laughed and playfully tussled my hair before whispering something about De’s fist that I will never in my life repeat. Blushing bright red I started beating on the taller teen, calling him gross and a pervert.

Patton and Roman must have walked in while I was beating on the drummer. I didn’t notice them until Roman picked me up and sat between his brother and I.

“What is going on here, kiddo?”

“Roman’s related to a sick pervert.”

Patton gave Remus a confused look. “You don’t want to know,” Logan replies, not looking up from his book.

“I heard the love birds in Roman’s room last night,” he let out a yelp as I reached around Roman in an attempt to kill him.

“We were playing a video game with De,” Roman said in a confused tone, scooting closet to me to keep me from killing his brother.

“Virge said you were making out.”

“That too. But I’m assuming you meant the grunts and groaning. We were playing Jump Force. I will admit I’m not very good at fighting games.”

“That’s putting it mildly,” I grumbled. Roman shot me a dirty look and I couldn’t help but laugh.

***

17

“Remus, if you pinch me one more time I’m gonna slap you mustache right off your face,” De warned, looking too through with his boyfriend.

We were at Roman and Remus’ house practicing. One of De’s neighbors had booked us to play their daughter’s sweet 16 next month. So, practice was scheduled everyday after school as long as debate and student council meetings didn’t interfere. On those days Logan and I were given a break. We also got a break during rehearsals for the school play since Remus signed up to do the music.

Logan and I sighed and waited for the two to stop goofing around so we could get back to work. The girl was a huge fan of Zach Callison and Fall Out Boy, so we were doing covers of their songs.

We were working out how to mimic the horn in War! since none of us played a brass instrument when Remus jumped up from behind his drums and ran out of the garage. We watched in confusion as he dashed out of the room. We decided to go over the rap parts so Logan could make sure he knew the words when Remus had been gone for more than two minutes.

Fifteen minutes later he returned with a keyboard and dragging Roman by his... sash? Was he really wearing a sash? I stared at my boyfriend with a raised eyebrow and he just blushed.

“What’s going on, Remus?” De asked as the drummer set up the keyboard.

I watched as Roman took off the sash and the white jacket he wore under it and tossed them both on the couch.

“We don’t play brass instruments, but my brother and I both tickle the ivories,” he grinned maniacally.

“Couldn’t you just say that I know how to play the piano?” Roman stood behind the keyboard and began playing, filling in the notes that we needed for the song. “Remus asked me to play with you guys for the party.”

“And you acquiesced? That is satisfactory.”

“Thanks, Roman.”

“Yeah, thank you, Princey.”

Roman smiled and we began playing.

***

28

I was sitting in Roman’s room, bandages wrapped around my forearms. I stared down at the floor as my boyfriend paced the room. I’d apologize about a thousand times and now we just sat in silence. Well, I sat, he paced around.

“Why?” This was like the fiftieth time he’d asked that question. I didn’t have an answer though. I didn’t even realize I was doing it until Roman had pulled me out of the classroom.

I had vaguely heard him talking in the phone to someone as we made our way past the nurse’s office and out of the school. He took me to his house and cleaned and bandaged my arms.

We were in the middle of Literature when it happened. I’d zoned out. Suddenly my mind was going a mile a minute. I was aware of my own breathing. I was aware of my heart beating. Of the blood pumping through my veins. I was aware if the fact that the earth was spinning at 1,669.8 km/hr (24,901.55 m/hr) on its axis. That it was hurtling through space around the sun at 107,278.87 km/hr (66,660 m/hr). That the milky way was hurtling through space. That this was just one giant ass merry-go-round that we were all forced to ride and couldn’t escape even in death.

Long story short I had a really bad anxiety attack. Apparently it had put me in a fugue state and I did what I used to do to calm myself. I hurt myself.

“Virgil?”

“I don’t know,” I murmured. “I had an anxiety attack. It was just there. I didn’t have a reason for it. It just happened. I slipped. I’m sorry, Roman. I really am,” I held my head in my hands and started crying. I felt Roman’s strong arms wrap around me and hold me close as he murmured words of comfort and reassurance into my hair.

***

29

“Hold on,” I called as I walked to the front door, annoyed as all hell at whomever knocked and woke me up from my nap on the couch. “Who the hell are you?” I stared at the taller man in the other side of the door.

“I’m Jack Berry, I’m Logan’s—“ I slammed the door in his face.

“Who was at the door, kiddo?” My dad asked, coming down the stairs.

“A piece of shit,” I made my way up the stairs and walked into Logan’s room, and lay down in his bed, ignoring the look from the teen at the desk. “Don’t go downstairs.”

“Virgil?”


	21. March: Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mention of child abuse and neglect, probably lots of cursing, mention of suicide and death, a very upset Virgil, a very upset Logan, a Patton that wants to fight

29

"Virgil?"

"Just don't go downstairs, Logan. Please," I sat up and looked over at the other boy with pleading eyes.

He was about to say something else when we heard a loud bang and yelling. We both jumped up and stared at his door. I could hear my dad yelling, a voice I assumed was Logan's dad's, and another voice. One I never heard that loud and angry before.

...Patton!

I know I told Logan to stay upstairs. I know I had planned on staying up there with him, but hearing my brother upset and angry sent my into protective brother mode and I ran out of the room and down the stairs. I could hear Logan's footsteps behind me and I mentally cursed him. We both froze at the bottom of the stairs.

Before us was Mr Berry, my dad, and Patton. My dad was holding Pat, trying to keep him from landing a single blow on the man that had come into our house.

"Patton!"

My brother stopped fighting my father and looked towards Logan and I. The taller teen walked around me and adjusted his glasses, all emotion locked away like usual.

"That is quite enough. Please compose yourself before you end up doing harm to yourself or your father," he gave my brother a gentle, reassuring smile before fixing his father with a cold stare. "Why are you here, Jack?"

"If that any way to talk to your father?"

Bitch, you ain't no father. You fucking abandoned your kid.

"I don't have a father. I was orphaned 16 years ago," he said coldly.

"I am still your father, Logan."

"You blames me for mom's death. You may have been my father for the first five years of my life, but you gave up that role as soon as you could."

"He what?!" Patton flew at Jack again and this time it took both me and my dad to hold the little spitfire back.

"I was upset, Logan. I'm sorry."

"No," I let go of Patton and started talking without even thinking. "Being upset is mourning your loss when it happens. Maybe ever for a few months or years afterwards. It's being sad on anniversaries and when things remind you of the person you lost. It's not blaming your fucking kid."

"Virgil," I felt a hand on my shoulder, but I couldn't stop putting this piece of shit in check.

"I was there when my mum killed herself. I witnessed her death. I couldn't save her. I was the only one in the house when it happened and I couldn't save her," tears were running down my cheeks. "My dad could've blamed me for not saving her. He would've had every right to! But he didn't! He didn't blame me! Neither did my brother! The only one who blamed me was me! Because family doesn't blame family for something like that! Logan was a fucking newborn infant! He could have done nothing to save your wife. He did nothing to your wife! He is innocent!"

Patton threw himself at me and hugged me tightly. I could feel his tears on my shoulder as he hugged me.

"It wasn't your fault, Virge," his muffled voice reassured me.

"Logan did not ask for any of this. You threw the blame on him. Blame that didn't need to be placed on anyone. Especially not on an innocent child who didn't even know what happened. You neglected your son. You neglected the family you had for the family you lost. Do you really think your wife would have wanted that? Would have wanted you hurting your son so much that he threw himself into his school work not because he enjoyed doing it but because he wanted to stay away from you? You created a depressed and anxious teen when you didn't need to. You took away his chance for a normal childhood!"

"Virgil."

I looked over at Logan, tears in both of our eyes. I watched as my friend walked forward and stood in front of his dad.

"What you did was wrong, Jack. I was a child. I needed my dad and he wasn't there. If I asked for help I got yelled at. If I brought home a bad grade I got yelled at."

"You never brought home a bad grade, Logan."

"Of course not! I was too afraid to! You helped with nothing. I had to raise myself because, as Virgil stated, you were stuck in the past. I was right in front of you and you couldn't be bothered to see me. All you saw was your dead wife. Not your son who was lost and needed help."

Jack stood silently, his expression was unreadable. If he wanted to say something it didn't matter. Logan turned and walked back up to his room, grabbing me and Patton and taking us along with him.

A few minutes later we heard the front door shut and then there was silence again. When it was close to dinner time my dad came upstairs to ask us all what we wanted to eat and we told him. Logan tried to apologize, but my dad shot down the apology, telling him he had no reason to apologize.

Patton now knew the real reason Logan was with us and was mad at the both of us for not telling him, but also understanding of the reason we didn't.

After such an emotionally draining afternoon the four of us sat in front of the TV and watched Marvel movies while eating pizza for dinner. Eventually we all fell asleep, Patton on the couch, Dad in his chair, and Logan and I curled up on the floor.

***

31

"Virgil! I need a hug!" Roman frappes himself over my shoulders and rested his head on top of mine.

"Why?" I asked, ignoring the other boy while I played a video game with his brother. We had the day off from school as the teachers had a meeting.

"Because I want one. Do I have to have a reason to need a hug from my boyfriend?"

"Yes," De replied from their seat on the other side of the room, going over homework with Logan.

Roman stood up and made a sound of offense. I didn't need to look up to know that he was glaring at the other boy. Remus and I laughed before the other cursed as I beat him in our game.

“You cheated!”

“Suck it up, buttercup! I won fare and square!”

Roman plopped down on the couch beside me and reached over to Remus and took his controller. “If I win you’re giving me a hug.”

I chuckled and nodded. “Alright. And if I win you’re ordering pizza.”

“You’re on.”

Less than two minutes later I beat Roman to a pulp. He stared slack jawed at the screen, controller hanging loosely in his hand. “I’m never gonna get a hug,” he whined.

I chuckled and hugged him tightly, kissing his cheek. “I want extra cheese, red and green peppers, chicken, sausage, onions, mushrooms, and buffalo sauce.”

Pulling out his phone Roman ordered three large pizzas, one how I specified, one with everything on it, and one pepperoni.

After we were done eating, and I beat Remus at another game, we decided to go and practice for our gig.


	22. April

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really liking this formatting so get used to it! This time instead of just days I'm also gonna include titles of important events.  
Zach Callison's music will be referenced.

4

I lay on the couch in the garage with my head in Roman's lap and the princely teen absently played with my hair while we listened to Remus go over set up and the songs we'd be playing. He was sitting in De's lap as he talked, the other gently rubbing his arms. We could all see the frustration on the drummer's face. He was always stressed before a performance and it wasn't helped by the fact that Logan was still at the school having a meeting with the principal regarding a few student council matters. It was stuff he wanted to tie up before the last few meetings of the school year. He also had to meet with the prom committee to go over last minute matters.

I wasn't too tense about him being at the school alone. Since the day I chewed out Carter he'd kinda been avoiding Logan like the plague.

It was nearly seven when Logan walked into the garage looking a bit dazed. I shot up off the couch and rushed over to him. Gently gripping the taller teen's shoulders I looked into his eyes.

"You okay, Lo?" Roman placed a hand over mine on Logan's shoulder, concern evident in his voice.

"Huh? Uhh... yeah. Yeah. I'm fine," he mumbled. We didn't believe him, but we didn't push him either. Roman and I led him over to the couch and sat down with him.

De happily brought up a random topic to take Logan's mind off of whatever was bothering him and to get Remus' mind off of tomorrow.

***

5 - Birthday Party

We were setting up when the birthday girl walked up to us. She was wearing a puffy pink party dress and hand like three scrunchies on her wrist. She honestly did not look like the kind of girl who listened to alternative rock. We didn’t stop setting up when she approached. If she wanted something she could just get our attention.

“Hey, handsome. What’s your name?” Everyone but me stopped what they were doing and looked around as if unsure who she was addressing. “I’m talking to the perfect ten,” I could hear the smirk in her voice. De and Logan turned their attention back to set up, leaving Roman and Remus to continue looking confused. “Red jacket,” I caught a glimpse of her annoyed expression out of the corner of my eye and fought the urge to start laughing.

Roman and Remus, while having different biological mothers, looked nearly identical. Their father’s genes must have been pretty strong. The only real way we would tell them apart was that Remus had a mustache. His hair was only slightly darker that Roman’s and it was so slight that it was hardly noticeable.

“Roman. You must be the birthday girl,” the taller teen said with a bow.

“I am. What’re you doing after the party?”

Was this girl really hitting on my boyfriend? I looked over at Roman and noticed the shocked look on his face. Either he hadn’t expected the question or he wasn’t used to someone making a move on him. Either way I took pity on the lug and decided to help him out of his predicament.

“Hey, Ro, babe. I just got a text back from the restaurant to confirm our reservation for tomorrow,” I typed a message to Roman, telling him I got this, on the notepad app and held the device out to him. “Tell me if that’s okay and then send it.”

Roman took my phone and read the message while I looked at the girl and smiled. “Bella, right?” She nodded. “I’m Virge. The one in yellow is De. The guy in green is Remus, he’s Roman’s twin. And the nerd over there is Logan,” I pointed out each of my band mates to her as I introduced them.

“You guys are playing a restaurant tomorrow?”

How thick could this bitch be?

“No. Roman and I have a date tomorrow night.”

“A date?”

“Yeah. He’s my boyfriend.”

Bella looked from me to Roman and back again. She looked me up and down as if wondering how I ended up with someone out of my league. I ask myself the same question everyday.

Roman slipped my phone in my back pocket and kissed the side of my head. “Let’s finish setting up, love,” he moved his hand to my waist and gently led my back over to my guitar. “Excuse us, Bella, we need to finish setting up. We can continue talking when we take a break.”

For the entirety of the party Bella glared at me as I sang. I was used to getting dirty looks so I didn’t really pay any attention to her. Especially not when we played Phantom Love and I had to focus to keep up with Logan during the rap. How he was able to rap so fast without screwing up was beyond me. I managed to keep up when I needed to join him and not screw up, which was a relief.

When we did take a break Roman stayed close to me, probably afraid of the birthday girl hitting on him again. I noticed one of her relatives talking to Remus and De and the two look over at us with concern on their face and made a mental note to talk to them about it later.

***

6

After the party I had asked De what he and Remus had been talking to Bella’s relative, I later learned it was her uncle, about. They told me we’d all talk about it on Sunday. So, here we were, sitting around in the living room and waiting for Remus to start talking.

“So, Bella’s uncle spoke to De and I yesterday,” Remus began, I bit back the urge to ask about what and just let him get it out at his own pace. “He’s a record producer. And umm...”

“Out with it, Re,” Roman sighed in annoyance. I elbowed him and he murmured an apology.

“Look, I know you guys all have your own plans after high school. I’m the only one that plans on making music a career.” De kissed Remus’ cheek and whispered something to him. I assumed it was words of encouragement. “He wants a demo track from us. He likes Virge’s voice and was impressed by Logan’s wrapping. And he liked how well we played together in general. De and I said we’d talk to you guys about it. If... if he likes our original stuff then he wants to sign us. But, like I said, I know you guys never intended to—“

“When do we record?” We all looked at Logan in shock. “You cannot honestly tell me that I am the only one that would be excited to help Remus realize his dream, even if it meant taking a more unconventional road to my degree.”

“I’m down for it,” De said. “I was just surprised you were.”

“I’m more of an actor than a musician. And a degree in theater can’t be earned online. But,” Roman looked at his brother and smiled. “There are plenty of musician slash actors in the world. And it would be wonderful to help you to achieve your dream.”

Everyone looked at me. I didn’t know what to say. I was actually looking forward to college now. But this... If he liked our original music we could go on to do much more. Possible fame scared the shit out of me. “Let’s do it. I can earn my psych degree online.” I was scared, but I was also excited.

***

11

“So, what songs should we put on our demo?” Remus asked from where he lay across my bed.

We decided to talk at my house after school. There were two main reasons. The first being, Roman and Remus’ moms were having company and we didn’t want to interfere. The second being, my dad worked in public relations. He had a law degree, but he worked as a pr rep. De had suggested that we ask him about a manager since we still didn’t have one and we didn’t know much about the legal ins and outs of the music business.

“It depends on our genre and what we want to be known for,” Logan stated.

“You guys strike me as an emo band.”

“You’re on of us now, Roman.”

“In that case, can we change the name?”

“What? Why?”

“I’m a prince. Not a villain. And Dark Sides just sounds like a villainous group.”

We stared at him in shock for a minute before laughing. “We are not changing our name,” Remus said.

“Especially not if we seem like an emo band,” De added.

“Maybe we should be an emo band,” Logan stood up and grabbed a notebook off my bookcase.

“What’d you have in mind, teach?”

“Well, most emo bands sing about personal experiences and relatable emotions and turmoil and drama for their intended audiences. That would be something I could get behind being known for.”

“I wouldn’t mind it either. I mean we’ve all got pretty different stories. We could reach a wider audience. Make our songs our stories.”

“You and Logan would be doing most of the vocals, Virge. You sure you’re okay with that? You’d be telling our stories.”

“I can do it, De.”

“Okay.”

We brainstormed a few song ideas, settling on five. Logan and I wrote lyrics for each song, working with De, Remus, and Roman individually for their songs. They were rough drafts and we’d polish them when we could get to Roman and Remus’ house to play our instruments.

When my dad got home from work De asked him about a manager. To be more accurate he asked him to be our manager, much to my horror. My dad agreed, but said it would only do it until he could help us find a better manager.

***

26 - Prom

“This is worse than homecoming,” I groaned, fidgeting with the black tie around my neck. Another damn noose.

“Stop complaining, kiddo. This is the last formal party. The next party you go to will be the end of the year party at Roman’s.”

“Don’t remind me, Pat. I’m still not looking forward to all the socializing.”

Logan chuckled from where he sat at my desk, reading the law book De had gotten him.

“You sure you’ll be okay home alone, Logan?”

“For the last time, Virgil, I will be fine.”

“Okay.”

“Still not going to dance?”

“Nope. Roman agreed to just hang out at a table with me. But I did tell him that if he wanted to dance he was more than welcome to.” Patton nodded, a sad look on his face. “I’ll still have fun. I promise.”

“Okay, kiddo.”

Our dad called us from downstairs, letting us know that the others were there with the limo. We still had to go pick up Sunniva before heading to prom. We told Logan we’d see him later before heading down the stairs and joining Roman, Remus, and De in the limo.

After picking up Sunniva, and being forced to take pictures by her mom, we made our way to the ballroom that had been rented for the dance.

We all had a pretty good time that night. Roman was crowned prom king and Sunniva prom queen, not surprising since they were the two most popular people at the school. The two shared a dance and then Sunniva danced with Patton and Roman hung out with me.

After about an hour and a half of watching my boyfriend stare longingly at the dance floor I stood up and dragged him over to it. I placed my hands on his shoulders and pressed my forehead to his chest and started to slowly dance to the music.

“We don’t have to dance, Virgil,” he wrapped his arms around me and held me close, swaying to the music with me.

“I can’t keep living in the past, Roman,” my damn voice cracked a bit while I spoke, but thankfully Roman acted as if he didn’t notice.

We danced for one song then Roman took me outside to sit under the stars. “Thank you, Virgil.”

“What for?” I kept my head lowered, staring at my shoes.

“Dancing with me. I know it brings up memories for you. But you did it anyway. And I’m thankful.”

“Shut up,” I grumbled.

He chuckled and tilted my chin up so I was looking into those beautiful auburn eyes of his. He leaned a bit closer to me, stopping halfway and looking into my eyes for permission to continue. I didn’t give it to him though. Instead I moved in the rest of the way, sighing softly as our lips connected and a tingle ran the length of my spine.

No matter how many times we kiss it always felt the same. Warmth that radiates from my stomach and chest. My heart skipping every other beat. A tingle of electricity running from my brainstorm to the base of my spine. Neurons firing, releasing a delicious dose of dopamine. The taste of strawberries. The smell of his cologne. The way his hand cupped the back of my neck, causing me to moan softly. The way his tongue danced with mine, stealing my breath and causing my brain to short circuit and turning me to puffy in his hands.

I spent the night with Roman after prom. I’ll leave the rest up to your imagination.

***

30

I’m an epileptic. Roman went with me to my appointment after school and we got the news. I was having partial seizures. Not only do I have generalized anxiety, but my brain likes to misfire in random spots and even just shut down at times. Fun. Thankfully I could be medicated. Thankfully I never had an episode while we were performing. Thankfully I had Roman there to keep me from freaking out when I was told.

We sat quietly in his room after my appointment. Neither of us said a word. I was still in shock. Roman probably wanted to give me some space and time to process the new information.

“This doesn’t change anything,” Roman finally broke the silence after a couple of hours.

“I have seizures, Roman.”

“Yeah. But it still doesn’t change anything.”

“How do you figure?”

“You’re still you. I will still treat you the same. So will Remus, De, Logan, Patton, and your dad.”

“No. Patton and my dad will coddle me again. Just like they did after mom died.”

Roman wrapped his arms around me and held me close. “I won’t let them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so that chapter got away from me. Not what I had planned. Though I shouldn’t have expected anything less.


	23. Months

In one month we’d be graduating. Done with high school. Officially adults. Well, except for Logan. He had only recently turned 17. But still. In one month we would all become responsible for ourselves. We would have to make sure we stuck to our schedules. We would have to make sure that we ate regularly. We would have to make sure that we did what we needed to when we needed to. I don’t think Roman and Remus were ready for that level of responsibility.

In two months Dark Sides would be recording our first album. My dad had read over the contract and agreed to us signing it. We had a label. He also found a manager for us to help make sure we were doing okay while on the road. While we were on the road.

In three months we would be going on tour and getting our name out there. We would no longer be a garage band. We would no longer be five high school boys who played birthday and office parties. We would be the band no one knew who was opening for bigger bands. That wasn’t completely true though. Roman had been recording us when we practiced and had posted the videos on his YouTube channel. Mainly because it gave his followers something to watch between the shorts he did with his theater friends. But also because he really enjoyed showing off all the hard work the band did. And then when I joined it was to show off the cute emo, later his hot boyfriend, who was the lead singer.

In four months Logan, De, and I would be starting our online studies. Working on degrees while also being full-time musicians. It was scary. It was nerve wracking. Mainly for me because I wasn’t sure if I had the discipline to keep myself focused on my school work without a teacher looking over me. Logan kept reassuring me that he would hover over me to make sure I got my work done. He also kept telling me that he knew I could do it just by seeing how much work I put into my homework.

In six months Roman and I would be having our one year anniversary. We would all be taking a break to have Thanksgiving with our families. But Roman and I would also be celebrating a year since he first asked me out. A year since our first date. A year since he became an even more constant in my life that helped to keep me grounded.

It has been nine months since the car accident that almost took me from my brother and father. Since the incident that has me double checking that my seatbelt is fastened. That has me scared to death of our upcoming tour. That has me wondering if your buses have seatbelts and if we can get some put in ours.

Eight months since Patton and I started high school in Florida and met four guys I never knew I would become best friends with. Since Patton met a wonderful girl that understands and accepts that he’s polyamorous and even jumped for joy when he asked a guy he liked out and he said yes. A wonderful girl that consoled him when the guy made him feel like shit for being poly, Roman held me back when I wanted to kick his ass for making Pat upset.

Seven months since my first trip to Disney. Roman swore that if we weren’t back in Florida come October we had better be in California so we could keep up the tradition of spending Halloween at a Disney park. Since Roman found out my secret and took me to what is now our spot to relax and watch the sun set.

Six months since Roman asked me out on our first date. I still remember how shocked I was when he asked. How nervous and excited I felt. The fear of rejection on his face that gave way to that beautiful smile of his when I said yes. Six months since Logan came to live with my family because his father kicked him out. While he’s had a couple of self-harming episodes he’s seemed happier since being with us.

Five months since our first Christmas in Florida. Since Logan last hurt himself. Since Pat and I met De’s grandparents and father. Since we first learned how scary De can be when he’s angry with someone.

Four months ago I decided to go to college and study psychology. Patton asked Sunniva out on a date. Roman and I nearly broke up because he was afraid he would lose me to Logan. Roman learned the real reason why Logan was staying with us and about my history with self harm.

February was just three months ago. Whoa. Roman and I spent an entire night watching horror films and cuddling and then the following day we watched Disney movies and hung out. Three months ago that I realized I didn’t just love him, but I was in love with him.

Two months ago I fainted. I laid into Carter, finally too tired of his shit to quietly ignore him. I saw my neurologist and finally got testing done to find out about my zoning out and shit. Roman and I skipped school because I had an anxiety attack and clawed open my arms. Patton Lea Ned the real reason Logan was staying with us and tried to fight a grown man that was much bigger than him. I talked about what happened with my mum.

Last month. Last month Roman and I became closer. I watched him get confused by a beautiful girl hitting on him. I danced for the first time in years without breaking down. We were asked for a demo of our music. We wrote five new songs. Roman decided to be a permanent fixture in the band. I learned that I have epilepsy.

This month we’re writing more songs. We’re practicing every weekend. Roman and I are spending even more time together. We signed with a record label. Remus has been so focused on finals and music that he hasn’t made Roman threaten to kill him. Yet.

This month I’m excited for tomorrow.

This month I’m scared for tomorrow.


	24. Countdown

Six days until the last day of school.

Until I walked across the stage and received my first diploma with my name on it. The one from primary school said Virginia Andrea Novas. This one would say Virgil Andrew Novas. Excited didn’t begin to cover how I felt about having my name on my diploma. It was in my license. It was in my birth certificate. My social security card. My student ID. My transcripts. And now it was going to be on my diploma.

Since the start of my transition, every new document that had the name I had chosen for myself on it my dad made a copy and put it in a scrap book. On the cover of the book he wrote “Virgil’s Journey.” And, he used it to document my transition starting when I came out at age ten. Eight years of memories. When I’d started my hormones on my sixteenth birthday Patton and I got the day off from school. My dad had scheduled my court hearing for that day to get my name legally changed. When the judge gave the okay I think my dad was more excited than Me or even Patton. We went to my mum’s grave and showed her and talked excitedly for hours letting her know.

I’d have to take a flight back to Arizona before July so I could show her my diploma.

***

Five days until graduation.

I’m getting nervous. We’ve gotten our grades back from our final exams. I got all A’s. Logan is valedictorian. We’re all so proud of him. Roman insisted on throwing a mini party when we found out last month.

Patton didn’t flunk any of his classes. He’s worried that he won’t do well enough in college though. I’m not sure how many different ways we can tell him that we have a lot of faith in him and know he’ll do excellent.

***

Four days until graduation.

I just realized that I’ll only have until the 30th if the month to hang out with Patton. After that we won’t see each other until November. This will be the first time that I’ll be away from him for more than like a weekend.

It’s scary. We went to sleep away camp when we were little once. Two separate camps. We got sent home not even a full week in because I had a really bad anxiety attack and Patton wouldn’t stop crying.

We were like nine at the time.

***

Three days until graduation.

Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!

***

Two days until graduation and the last day of school.

Logan is in the hospital on a 23 hour hold. He had an anxiety attack that was so bad he couldn’t breathe. They want to make sure that he’ll be okay. We know he’ll be okay. But, doctor’s orders.

Patton insisted on staying with him and threatened to bite anyone that tried to make him leave. The doctor said that since it wasn’t a psych hold he’d allow it. But also told Patton that if he threatens hospital staff again the police were being called.

***

Shit. I’m graduating tomorrow.

I can’t believe how much has happened in this entire school year. I can’t believe all the things that are to come for me and my friends.

I can’t believe I’m sitting on the couch trying to watch a movie with my friends and my brother is proposing to his girlfriend!

She said yes. They’ve only been dating a few months. If it were anyone other than Patton I’d be worried. But Patton isn’t the type to fall in love easily. He keeps his heart guarded. I’ve seen him date before. I’ve seen his feelings never blossom beyond platonic love. I see the way he looks at the cheerleader he is hugging tightly.

Dammit, Pat she needs to breathe!

He loves her. Not the way he loves the rest of us. No. He loves her the way dad loves our mum. The look they give each other is the same look I used to see my parents give each other.

It’ll be a long engagement. Patton wants Sunniva to be able to focus on college and not a wedding or a family until they’re both ready. Sunniva wants the same for Patton.

Remus asked if this meant Patton was becoming monogamous. He and Sunniva bot said no. She doesn’t want to change him. I love that. She loves Pat for Pat.

Roman pulled me close and kissed the side of my head.

***

June 6th. It’s graduation day. It’s the last day of school.

I am sitting in the auditorium with the rest of my graduating class. Logan is on stage giving his speech. He’s getting emotional. But he’s keeping his voice level. He has flash cards, but he hasn’t looked down at them once. He’s memorized these words. These words that he wrote from the heart.

When he’s done we’re called up to get our diplomas and final awards for the year. Logan graduated with the highest of honors. He was also awarded for all of the extracurricular activities he was apart of either directly or indirectly. The teachers and students really appreciated his assistance and support.

Roman and Remus both received thanks from the drama club and the music department. Roman was also given an award for his work with student council. Logan gave De and I both awards for being outstanding members of the debate team. I graduated with honors, knocking Roman out of that spot, but he wasn’t mad.

Patton hugged us all tightly when we were all done receiving our awards and diplomas. We all joked about not being able to breathe.

As we exited the school part of Logan’s speech echoed in my ears:

“Today is our last day as children. From this moment on we are young adults. We may have plans for tomorrow. For each day after. We may not. The variables are infinite. Far too many to count. For some that will be an exciting adventure. For others it will bring unknown fear. But, for all of us; as long as we remember the bonds we have forged in these halls we can still hold on. We can still do better. We can still do more. As long as we hold on.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Book 1 of 9 complete. Book 1 of 9?! What the hell is wrong with me? Ugh!  
Keep an eye out for the next book “Everything Sucks.”


End file.
